Bad Juju in Bad Ischl

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from eXXpress. The translator’s comments are in square brackets:

Explosive argument: Big fuss over pork slogan in front of restaurant in Bad Ischl

Excitement in Bad Ischl! The trigger is a host known for his funny sayings. His text about people who eat pork is explosive. And in the eyes of some, it went too far, given the already tense political climate. Others agree with the restaurant owner.

A sign outside his restaurant reads: “People who eat pork are statistically less likely to blow themselves and others up.” A provocation that is of course primarily aimed at Muslims. There is already a lot of excitement online, where pictures of the saying are spreading rapidly. Some feel “deeply disappointed and attacked”, others see “pure racism”. [Islam is an ideology and not a race, MORON.] In a free newspaper, a reader said that reading this text took his breath away, and called for “messages of peace;” after all, the situation was already very tense. [Appeasing Islam has worked so well for us during the last 1,400+ years, hasn’t it? Are people really that willfully blind and ignorant of what Islam and its followers stand for?]

Lots of approval online

However, the opinions are not as clearly distributed as the rapporteurs want to convey. If you look at the comment columns, it is quite clear that the innkeeper also receives a lot of support. “It’s a bit harsh, but unfortunately he’s right,” says one user on Facebook. “Sometimes the truth hurts,” writes another. “He’s absolutely right,” many people say.

Afterword from the translator:

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Palestinian Jokes

This post has been recycled from more than seventeen years ago, but somehow the jokes remain relevant.

So this Palestinian walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender says, “What’ll it be, pal?”

The Palestinian goes, “BOOM!”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

An American, an Israeli, and a Palestinian are marooned on a desert island.

The American goes to one side of the island and builds a church.

The Israeli goes to the other side of the island and builds a synagogue.

The Palestinian goes, “BOOM!”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

A Palestinian travelling salesman is driving through the countryside when his car breaks down in the middle of the night.

He goes up to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.

The farmer comes to the door and says, “What can I do for you, mister?”

The Palestinian…

Aw, heck! So you heard that one already, huh?

Things to Come — Life in Woke Britain

Seneca III sends this acerbic little vignette from Modern Intersectional England.

Things to Come — Life in Woke Britain

by Seneca III

Last month my Bin Day was blessed with some half-decent weather and I was out tidying up the front garden and my compulsory edible weed patch when the ‘sanitary operatives’ came with their monochromatic prideless garbage truck. The next thing I noticed was how hard they grafted, running house to house, hefting heavy bins to the truck and then joyfully throwing the empties to the pavement in front of the houses without pausing. And then, suddenly, I realised that there was something about this scenario that made my blood to run cold and caused me to begin to question my senses — were they all horribly white males exercising their critical heterosexual cisgendered privileged patriarchateness in full view, or had I somehow slipped into a different, pre-enlightenment space-time continuum?

Confusing, to say the least, so I had to look again just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I wasn’t; there was not a single transgender bloke in a frock (complete with a small penis) amongst them! Nor could I see a BAME, a Stonewaller, a Mermaid, a rainbow-coloured unicorn, an OAP or a Drag Queen in falsies and suspenders throwing tampons dipped in tomato sauce at the two young children playing in their garden a few houses down from me.

Having sat down for a moment to regather my strength by consuming a 3D printed slug sandwich washed down with a refreshing draught of grasshopper milk, I phoned my local Thought Constabulary to report a whole series of hate crimes… sexism, racism, ageism, heterocolourphobism, breathing heavily, working hard with unpainted fingernails and engaged in a public demonstration of masculinity that I thought was a long-gone dark chapter in our nation’s history.

As is normal, the overworked heroes at our local Plodshop took over three hours to respond, but later called to apologise and explain that they had all been otherwise engaged either practising the Macarena or terrorising autistic children for not using correctspeak when referring to their Nanas.

Consequently, as all actions are said to have an equal and opposite reaction, I have decided to open a new type of welfare agency. Its name will be ‘Jobs for Deviants’ and it will offer employment entailing two hours light work a day for three days a week at the same generous salary as our National Death Service Diversity Managers, irrespective of personal pronouns.

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Is April Fools’ Day White Supremacism?

Race hustlers have denounced a newly identified form of white supremacism. Here’s the story from Reuters:

New York, New York (April 1) — A racial justice advocacy group has denounced April Fools’ Day as a tool of white supremacy.

The Eastern League for Overturning Injustice, based in New York City, issued a press release today demanding that all observance of April Fools’ Day be cancelled by federal, state, and local government agencies, the mainstream media, and social media. It also asked ordinary Americans to use all lawful means at their disposal to put a stop to any pranks initiated by their family, friends, and acquaintances.

Mandy X. Antanaclasis (they/them), a spokesperson for the Eastern League for Overturning Injustice, said that April Fools’ Day has historically been used by the cis-male white patriarchy as a vehicle for the denigration and humiliation of women, the disabled, animals, people of color, and members of the LGBTQI+ community.

“The butt of the jokes and pranks on April 1 is typically a member of a despised minority,” they said. “People outside of the cis-male white ruling class are depicted as stupid, gullible, without a sense of humor, thin-skinned, and prone to react with exaggerated anger at perceived slights. Such stereotyping is a form of genocide, and we must use any and all means to put a stop to it.”

Citizen Antanaclasis added that the destructive effects of April Fools’ Day are so devastating that immediate forceful action by the federal government is required. “The forcible suppression of pranksters is a must, to the extent that such action doesn’t violate the First Amendment. However, to be blunt about it, so-called ‘civil liberties’ should take a back seat to the implementation of true social justice. If that requires a Constitutional amendment, then so be it! I expect Congress to get on the stick.

“Otherwise, those creatures who have historically been marginalized may have to take to the streets and implement true justice, by whatever means necessary. I leave the rest to your imagination.”

For Your Own Good, Keep Your Phone On!

Comrade citizens, your hand-held devices are necessary accessories that guarantee your rights in the Sustainable New Order!

People who don’t use their hand-held devices are assumed to be dangerous extremists and potential terrorists who need to be paid a visit by a Domestic Security SWAT team.

Let’s say you ride your bike to the GUM store to buy a pack of mealworms and some soy gruel. During your journey you are tracked by the CCTV cameras along the route, plus your bike is chipped, and communicates with the lamp posts and traffic lights all the way there and back.

And yet you don’t have your cell phone with you, comrade!

That is a violation of State Directive #4366-228JZ, which is punishable by two years’ forced labor at your local solar farm, cleaning the snow off the panels.

Better wise up, comrade! Put that phone in your pocket!

The above story is an obvious fantasy, since Comrade Citizen would be unable to purchase mealworms without using his CBDC on a hand-held device.

Get real, Baron!

What’s Missing From This Picture?

The examples below (posted a little while ago at Vlad Tepes) are illustrative of the way the Western media would report on the massacre at Tiananmen Square if it were to happen today.

Wong Wing, a 30-year-old flight instructor, died suddenly today while away from his home. He is survived by his family, which is his wife and son. He will be missed.

Hu Flung Pu died suddenly this afternoon while seeming to attempt to direct traffic. He is survived by his wife and son and will be severely missed.

Wai So Dim passed away suddenly today while cleaning treads on a government vehicle. No cause of death is known and his family, which consists of his wife and son, are dumbstruck by his sudden passing. He was young and in the peak of good health.

No Pah King mysteriously passed away while just standing still this afternoon enjoying the sunshine. He was known to be in excellent health and people near him at the time say he was an excellent runner. He is survived by his wife and son who expressed deep understanding at Mr. King’s passing. He will be missed.

Hu Yu Hai Ding was discovered dead and mysteriously flat today at a government park. Cause of death not known but there has been an increase in reported deaths of people who are far flatter than is recommended for good health. Hu Yu was 19 at the time of his passing. He is survived by his mother and father, and wife who is expecting a son. The government has issued a warning not to stand near anything that may cause a person to become flatter than normal.

How Long was reported missing today after his wife found him covering a large section of a well-known public area. No cause of death is known but it has recently been determined that being young, healthy and athletic with no bad habits actually can be very bad for your health.

Low Fat, a 22-year-old nutritionist died suddenly today while sunning himself on a large concrete square. It is now said that sunshine and fresh air can be worse for your health than cigarette smoke and factory air. He is survived by his wife and son.