Category Archives: You can’t make this [redacted] up

Bread and Circuses for Criminals

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Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from the online news portal Nius. The translator’s comments are in square brackets:

Police union demands one year of free Netflix for criminals who voluntarily hand over their knives

Knife violence is escalating in Germany. Now the police union GdP is proposing a “scrappage bonus” for knives, combined with a “knife amnesty”. Criminals who voluntarily hand over their butterfly knives will receive free Netflix for a year.

It is a strange suggestion that has caused a stir: The Federal Chairman of the Police Union (Gewerkschaft der Polizei, GdP), Jochen Kopelke, has called for an immediate knife amnesty after the brutal knife attack in Stuttgart. This means that anyone who hands in their knife should receive a reward. The Federal Minister of Justice should implement this. “Last year, my colleagues recorded almost 9,000 knife attacks causing serious and dangerous bodily harm. These figures are cause for great concern and make swift action essential,” the GdP head explained on Tuesday. [Are they serious? Why don’t they deport these bastards immediately, and if they come back, shoot them? No more knife crime from that one.]

“Serious incentives for those who surrender”

Banned and dangerous knives must be removed from private hands as quickly as possible, demands the Bremen police chief. A knife amnesty is a possible first step. He is initially counting on the voluntary cooperation of knife owners. “For this measure to be effective, the federal government must create serious incentives for those who hand them in. In concrete terms, this could mean a year of Netflix for handing in a banned butterfly knife.”

GdP welcomes knife ban

According to Kopelke, German gun laws are currently too complicated to clearly regulate the scope of knives. The GdP is therefore proposing a simplification. Long-term structural adjustments are needed, said the union leader.

In principle, more restrictions are needed, added Kopelke. In this context, the GdP welcomes the proposal to ban the carrying of knives, “but we would like to point out that this will entail increased controls. Their reliable implementation requires additional staff and improved equipment for our police forces,” said the GdP chief. [It’s not the knife that the problem, STUPID, it’s those who use them to attack and stab people with them that are the problem.]

The Police Union, or GdP for short, is a German trade union founded in 1950 that has over 200,000 members. It has been a member of the German Trade Union Confederation (DGB) since 1978.

Afterword from the translator:

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Algeria Celebrates Its New Heroine

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An Algerian “woman” named Imane Khelif caused a stir at the Olympics the other day by beating the bejezus out of an Italian woman named Angela Carini. Both are boxers, but only one of them is truly a female.

Many thanks to Gary Fouse for translating this article from the Algerian daily L’Expression:

She assures Algeria a medal at the Paris Olympic Games

Imane Khelif responds in the ring!

At the end of her fight, Imane Khelif burst into tears, a reaction shared by the 44 million Algerians who have followed her path with passion and emotion.

Imane Khelif hits hard. She has just made history in the national sport by winning a brilliant victory in a unanimous decision at the Paris Olympic Games. The boxer left no room for chance, defeating her opponent with faultless mastery and determination. This triumph gives Algeria its first medal in this prestigious competition. By ensuring at least a bronze medal, Khelif gives the country its first prize in women’s boxing. Hopes now turn to gold, an ambition totally within the reach of this exceptional athlete. This victory is not only a sporting feat, but also a personal revenge for Khelif. In recent days, she has been the target of an intense smear campaign, a test that could have destabilized any athlete. However, Khelif responded in the best possible way, in the ring, showing exceptional resilience and strength. At the end of her fight, Imane Khelif broke into tears, a reaction shared by the 44 million Algerians who have followed her path with passion and emotion. This medal is a deserved victory that goes beyond the sporting framework, embodying the hope and pride of an entire nation.

German Muslims Should Vote for the AfD!

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In the video below a “ginger Muslim” argues that Muslims should vote for the AfD (Alternative für Deutschland, Alternative for Germany) in order to stop the mass importation of criminal welfare-dependent third-world migrants.

Hellequin GB, who translated the video for subtitles, includes the following contextual information:

I think this guy was definitely born in Germany, and from his looks, I’d even go so far as to say that he’s a convert to Islam. I mean, his statement about Islam is so false that it is either applied taqiyya or just plain dumb.

I wonder if he even has read the Quran or any other Islamic scriptures? I rather doubt it. But maybe he has read it all and this was his way of staying ahead of a lynch mob of his co-religionists who love to kill anyone that speaks out against Islam.

Nevertheless, the rest of what he has to say is spot on.

Many thanks to Vlad Tepes and RAIR Foundation for the subtitling:

Video transcript:

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It’s No Laughing Matter

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As an old hippie, I can testify from personal experience that nitrous oxide (N2O) is not at all healthy when abused even modestly. Yet in Lower Saxony nitrous can be bought in vending machines, which I find bizarre.

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from Junge Freiheit. The translator’s comments are in square brackets:
Nitrous oxide

Party drug from the vending machine: Parents write open letter to Lauterbach

Nitrous oxide is becoming increasingly popular among young people. In Gifhorn, Lower Saxony, the party drug can even be bought in vending machines. Concerned parents are now placing their hopes on Health Minister Lauterbach. [Good luck with that.]

Gifhorn

The city parents’ council in Gifhorn has written a letter to Federal Health Minister Karl Lauterbach (SPD) calling on him to better protect young people from the party drug laughing gas. “We have to ask ourselves why the sale of such dangerous substances is permitted in the vicinity of children and young people,” said the second chairman Christopher Finck to the dpa.

The background is three snack machines in Gifhorn, in which, in addition to sweets and drinks, laughing gas is also sold. At the beginning of May, the city parents’ council had already asked the local authorities to take action against the offer in the machines.

Party drug laughing gas is not banned in Germany

Specifically, the parents demand from Lauterbach better education about party drugs in schools and a general ban on their sale to minors. They also support the Lower Saxony Medical Association’s request to ban the sale of nitrous oxide cartridges containing more than eight grams to private individuals, Die Welt reported .

The German Society of Neurology recently warned that the consumption of laughing gas can lead to serious and sometimes permanent health problems, including unconsciousness, paralysis and brain damage. Neither consumption nor sale is currently prohibited in Germany.

According to Welt, the operator of the machines stated that the laughing gas was only available to adults upon presentation of their identity card. The same applies to his tobacco shop, where he also sells the cartridges. In doing so, he emphasized, he went beyond the legal requirements. [Wow, I never knew that these vending machines can read an ID card. Do they also scan the face of the customer to make sure he or she is using their own ID?]

Afterword from the translator:

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And Now For Something Completely Different…

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…a Ukrainian girl gang in Germany that tortures deaf people.

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from Junge Freiheit:

Ukrainian girl gang is said to have tortured deaf people

Another brutal case of violence among adolescent girls? A group of Ukrainian girls is said to have tortured a woman of the same age for hours. The police are investigating.

Meissen

Four Ukrainian girls between the ages of 12 and 17 are accused of mistreating a 13-year-old deaf girl for several hours in the Saxon city of Meissen. The crime is said to have occurred over the weekend in a factory ruin near Käthe-Kollwitz-Park. “It’s about allegations of deprivation of liberty and grievous bodily harm,” the police spokesman Marko Laske told Bild.

According to the victim’s statement, the girl gang allegedly approached her in the park and held her. The girl from Slovakia is deaf and can therefore barely communicate.

The crime may have been filmed

The victim is said to have been led from the park into the factory ruins. “There they tied up the 13-year-old and held her for several hours,” says police spokesman Laske, describing the crime. They are said to have beaten their victim, presumably with a stick and an iron rod.

In the afternoon they abandoned their victim. She managed to escape and reported the incident to the police. They were able to arrest the girl gang near the crime scene and also confiscated their cell phones. The crime may also have been filmed.

A doctor was able to diagnose the victim with minor physical injuries. The investigating authorities now want to determine whether the allegations can be substantiated.

Similar acts in Heide and France

The case is reminiscent of a similar act in the Schleswig-Holstein town of Heide. In February 2023, a gang of girls held a 13-year-old there for several hours, mistreated her and filmed the act. The perpetrators, who were still minors, were later sentenced to community service. Afterwards there were large protests in the city.

A similar case occurred in France in December. There, a 13-year-old girl was held in a cellar by schoolmates and mistreated. The crime was filmed again and the recordings ended up on the Internet. Unlike the current case in Meißen, however, a previous personal conflict is said to have led to the crime.

Afterword from the translator:

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Enjoying a Lavish Overseas Holiday, Courtesy of the Swiss State

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Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from Freedert.online, a workaround for RT, which is banned in Germany. The translator’s comments are in square brackets:

Ukrainian refugee in Switzerland uses social assistance to travel around the world instead of integrating

A Ukrainian refugee in Switzerland receives social assistance, but instead of looking for work or attending German courses, he travels to Thailand, India, Sri Lanka and Georgia, ostensibly in search of cultural enrichment and inspiration for future professional activities — all of this costs in Switzerland. [I take it that these “future professional activities” have something to do with FRAUD?]

The generous social assistance in Switzerland for Ukrainian refugees has been the subject of discussion for some time — and the recent story of a certain Volodymyr from Zurich is adding real momentum.

So, there we have this Volodymyr, a native Ukrainian who has been hanging around Poland for the last twelve years. Then war breaks out, and bang, he’s gone, straight to Switzerland, fleeing from the “evil Russians,” as he emphasizes. When he arrived in Zurich, he had a good time. The authorities are probably quite naïve, especially if you wave a Ukrainian passport around. Once a year he waves to the social authorities, a handshake here, a handshake there, and the money flows.

But wait, here comes the surprise: at one of these routine meetings, the Swiss officials’ jaws almost drop off. Mr. Volodymyr has spent the last two years traveling to Thailand, India, Sri Lanka, Burma, Georgia and Turkey. Next on the agenda is Bali. Don’t look for a job, don’t learn German; instead you get a vacation on a silver platter. The bill? Of course, the social welfare office takes care of that, doesn’t it?

When asked why he doesn’t look for work, he talks about “cultural enrichment.” Work? Oh well, first spend a few months in Bali. And the trips? Of course, these trips are by no means vacations, because according to the regulations, Ukrainian refugees are not allowed to leave Switzerland for longer than four weeks. Instead, he describes them as “business” trips to inspire his future career as an architect in Switzerland. The migration and social welfare offices should kindly pay for the flight tickets.

But one thing is certain: This guy knows how to exploit the system and the Swiss social authorities. They really seem to have no clue about what’s going on.

When was the last time you were in Bali?

Afterword from the translator:

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Ho Ho Ho!

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Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from Junge Freiheit:

“Cultural differences”

Because of diversity: Santa Claus is banned from kindergarten

An Austrian kindergarten uninvites Santa Claus. Those responsible cite “diversity” and “cultural differences” as the reason. Children shouldn’t be afraid.

Salzburg

For the first time in decades, a man dressed as Santa Claus is no longer allowed to visit the children in the kindergarten in the Plainfeld community in Salzburg. According to a report in the Salzburger Nachrichten, those responsible want to keep him away from the children this year. St. Nicholas traditionally wears headgear with a clearly visible Christian cross.

According to the report, they cite “diversity” and “cultural differences” as reasons for this. In addition, some children are afraid of the man in the red robe, who usually delights the little ones on December 6th.

Don’t the children want sweets from Santa Claus?

The mayor of the municipality, Wolfgang Ganzenhuber (ÖVP), who has been in office for 14 years, was surprised by this rationale: “At least, no one has complained to me about Santa Claus coming to the children,” he told the newspaper.

Rather, he reported outraged parents who had turned to him because they did not understand why the custom was being broken after so many years. Because of the protests, educators are now considering letting the children vote on whether they want to accept candy from the Christian man.

Afterword from the translator:

What a surprise, Santa Claus is no longer wanted in kindergarten? Well, I guess since politically correct drag queens — riding in on a massive dildo — are doing the job now… Oh, holy wokeness — stay away from the little ones.

Taliban? Fine With Us!

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Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from Apollo News. The translator’s comments are in square brackets:

No Ban on Activity

Interior Ministry makes it clear: Taliban are not banned in Germany

Most recently, Taliban supporters marched unmolested through German cities with the flags of the Afghan terrorist militia. The Federal Ministry of the Interior has now confirmed to Apollo News: The Taliban are neither banned nor banned from operating in Germany.

Flags of the Taliban and other jihadist groups have been waved several times in recent weeks at pro-Palestinian demonstrations. Police intervention? None. Instead, they often say that they don’t see anything illegal. And in fact: the notorious Afghan terrorist group is nowhere to be found in the list of banned organizations.

Now, at the request of Apollo News, the Federal Ministry of the Interior is making it clear: The Taliban are permitted as an organization in Germany. It is therefore legal for Taliban supporters to march through German streets. A spokeswoman for the ministry explained: “The Taliban or the self-proclaimed ‘Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan’ are not banned as an organization in Germany. There is also no ban on activity.” [It’s that the reason why Muslims can kill Germans without serious repercussions, because the German government allows it? Hang them ALL.]

German soldiers fought against terrorist group — in Germany they are allowed

A total of 62 German soldiers died fighting the Islamist terrorist group in Afghanistan. The group is not only closely linked to the equally notorious terrorist organization Al Qaeda, but has also carried out countless terrorist attacks on both civilians and soldiers — often with suicide bombers or car bombs. In Germany there is still no reason to prevent marches and organization of the group. The Federal Ministry of the Interior does not mention any further steps — so apparently nothing will change.

In response to our question about what preconditions were missing for a ban, the ministry only referred generally to the legal situation. The Interior Ministry did not respond specifically to a question about the possible ban on the Taliban flag — but since the Taliban are not banned, the neither is flag.

What may sound unthinkable to many is actually a bitter reality: even more than twenty years after the terrorist attacks on September 11, the Taliban are legal in Germany. They can march undisturbed in Germany and celebrate the war against Israel and Jews with their flags.

Afterword from the translator:

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A Leporiphobic Neo-Nazi

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Fouad L., the “Dutchman” who murdered three people in a shooting rampage yesterday in Rotterdam, turns out to be a neo-Nazi as well as a leporiphobe. According to Dutch News, Erasmus University had been warned that the young man had “far-right” tendencies, but The Daily Mail goes all-out and identifies him as a neo-Nazi. A culture-enriching homicidal animal-abusing Nazi with pyromaniac tendencies — what a great fit for the famously tolerant Dutch society.

Many thanks to Gary Fouse for translating this news report from the Dutch public broadcaster NOS, and to Vlad Tepes and RAIR Foundation for the subtitling:

Video transcript:

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Starting ’em Young

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We’ve heard a lot about the puir wee bairns since the Great Migration Crisis arrived in earnest back in 2015: all those unfortunate little innocent children lined up at the border begging admittance to the EU, some of them with heavy beards and grey in their hair.

Here’s a different twist on the wee bairn front: a 15-year-old culture-enricher in Germany driving a van loaded with more migrants, some of them also wee, others not so much.

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from eXXpress. The translator’s comments are in square brackets:

Missing Syrian (15) smuggled 27 compatriots across the border

A young refugee from Syria (15) was considered missing by the authorities in Thuringia, Germany. Now he has resurfaced: behind the wheel of a transporter from Sweden, with which he illegally smuggled 27 compatriots. [I guess only vetted and accredited Globalist NGOs are allowed to smuggle LEGALLY.]

The federal police in Krauschwitz, Saxony, have already experienced everything with refugees and smugglers. So they thought. But now the relevant experiences of the officials are enriched by a new chapter. They pulled out a 15-year-old migrant whom the authorities in the neighboring state of Thuringia had been looking for since August. The boy had previously lived in a children and youth facility for two years and disappeared overnight without a trace.

Now he’s back. When the police checked a conspicuous van with Swedish license plates near the border with the Czech Republic, the young Syrian was behind the wheel. Of course he doesn’t have a driver’s license yet: “I only learned to drive a few days ago,” he told the astonished police officers.

Boy drove refugees hundreds of kilometers all over the place

The driving skills were apparently enough to take over the smuggler’s vehicle 200 km from the German-Polish border. On board: 23 Syrian migrants and four others from Yemen. Late in the evening, the police also arrested two other men, aged 25 and 27, who had recently driven a car across the border into Germany at the same location. According to a spokesman, there is suspicion that they are connected to the smuggling. They told the emergency services that they had been in Poland to refuel.

The young Syrian was arrested and is now in custody. Despite his age, he faces a longer prison sentence.

Warning shots from the police stopped smugglers in the Inn District

A dramatic incident occurred on Wednesday morning near Reichersberg in the Inn District. Police from the border and immigration police went there around 9 a.m. on the Hausruck federal road near “Ried im Innkreis” to check a conspicuous van. When the officers tried to stop the vehicle, the driver apparently accelerated again and rammed the unmarked police patrol car. Only after several warning shots were they able to prevent the fugitive smuggler from continuing his journey towards Bavaria.

Two smugglers were arrested. 13 migrants initially fled on foot, but were caught a short time later.

Afterword from the translator:

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We’ll Take Them Back — If the Price is Right

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Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from Junge Freiheit:

Repatriation for money

Taliban offer Germany deportation agreement

The Taliban’s migration minister is charming. He wants to bring Afghan asylum seekers back from Germany — for money. If necessary, he wants to force the federal government to step on the accelerator on deportations. The minister comes up with a very special theory about reunification.

Kabul

Taliban Migration Minister Khalil Haqqani has offered to readmit Afghan asylum seekers from Germany. “We as the Islamic Emirate have set ourselves the goal of improving the living and working conditions of our residents so that we are attractive to well-educated migrants, they return and enrich our country,” he told the Neue Zürcher Zeitung. If Germany helps to improve the living situation in Afghanistan, “there is a good chance that the refugees will return to Afghanistan.”

He also demanded financial compensation from Berlin for the Bundeswehr’s Afghanistan mission and its consequences. “We will bring not only Germany, but all states in the international coalition before an international court to hold them accountable for the war. We want to force them to pay us compensation and help repatriate the refugees.” The Germans have a “moral and legal obligation” to support the Taliban government, emphasized Haqqani.

He also regretted the current poor relationship between Berlin and Kabul. Things were better before Germany took part in the war. The Germans and the Afghans are traditionally closely linked. “Was it not we, the Afghans, who made a significant contribution to German reunification with the victory over the Soviet Union?” asked Haqqani.

Afterword from the translator:

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It’s a Grand Old Flag

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The boring old traditional flag is not good enough for Modern Multicultural Sweden, so the earnest mavens of the culture-enriching hot spot of Malmö have organized an art exhibition that highlights possible new designs for the Swedish flag. Prominent among the countries the new flag designs are based on are various third-world Islamic utopias.

Think I’m making this stuff up? I wish I could say I was, but alas, I’m not.

Many thanks to our Swedish correspondent LN for translating this article from Samtiden:

Malmö wants Swedish flags inspired by Iran, Russia, Syria…

by Dick Erixon
August 28, 2023

Sweden is so boring. Why not be inspired by successful countries such as Iran, Libya, Afghanistan, Iraq, Russia, Turkey, Morocco and Syria? The Social Democrats (S) in the city of Malmö think so.

There is no end to the oikophobia among the political leadership of the city of Malmö. The Swedish flag is obviously not suitable for a multicultural utopia.

It seems Sweden has so much to learn from countries around the world. The fact that they execute dissidents, give women less value and ban Christianity is no problem. Neither does the fact that they are not prominent democracies prevent idealizing them.

You don’t have to integrate

Because Sweden is so boring. Let’s liven up our old country with glorious clan wars, the oppression of women and political executions!

Sure, it’s an “art exhibition”, but paid for by the taxpayers.

And in Malmö, a majority of the people of the city voted for it.

But we can discuss what the meaning of this art might be, if its message were to be realized.

This is what MP Nima Gholam Ali Pour (SD) from Malmö does in an interview with Riks.

“You don’t have to adapt to Sweden; you can make your own flag. And soon you can create your own norms and values,” he says.

Watch the interview here.

Makin’ Bacon With Annalena

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German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock is notorious for putting her foot in her mouth. In South Africa on Tuesday, however, it seems that Ms. Baerbock put her trotter in her mouth.

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from eXXpress. The translator’s comments are in square brackets:

Not a week without self-harm: Baerbock speaks of the “bacon of hope”

Not again: Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock (42, Greens) has again made huge slips of the tongue, causing malicious comments on social media. In South Africa, instead of talking about a glimmer of hope, she spoke of the “bacon of hope”.

A running gag has been circulating in Berlin for a long time. ALB, Baerbock’s initials, are now considered the smallest unit of measurement for the distance between two blunders. Many politicians only shake their heads at the weekly self-harm by the green foreign ministry. Most recently, the chief diplomat in South Africa made notable misfires.

Ironically, the foreign minister, who attaches so much importance to her studies in London, showed blatant weaknesses in English. She spoke of the South African path to freedom as a “bacon of hope”. A “Bacon of Hope”? Of course, Baerbock meant the “Beacon of hope”. BEACON, the bonfire, the flare, the lighthouse, meant as the glimmer of hope — not the breakfast side dish. [A real glimmer of hope would be a slice of affordable breakfast bacon for most South Africans.]

And she also caused irritation with the word “bid” for “bid for candidacy”. The slightly lisping politician made it sound like “bitch”, the slut. [Well, she isn’t that wrong in that regard, they’re all prostitutes to the highest bidder, anyway.]

President of South Africa: Baerbock is too inexperienced [That’s putting it very diplomatically.]

The Foreign Minister’s entire trip to South Africa was ill-fated. She had already turned politicians on the continent against her on several occasions. Cyril Ramaphosa (70), the President of South Africa, did not even want to meet her because Baerbock was too inexperienced and believed that the values of the Western minority should be the yardstick for the majority of the world. [Western puppeticians, along with their African counterparts, DO NOT HAVE VALUES, they have offshore bank-accounts.]

Only to avoid diplomatic complications did the President then agree to a meeting with the German Foreign Minister. [ I guess a root canal without anesthetic would have been more pleasurable and less painful.]

Afterword from the translator:

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Passports For Deviants in the EU

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Not to be outdone in wokeness, the European Union is planning to implement a special passport for parents who are fudge-packers, arse-bandits, or rump-rangers. (Did I leave out any offensive epithets? If so, y’all can leave your suggestions in the comments. But please eschew outright obscenities.)

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for translating this article from eXXpress:

Von der Leyen “very proud”: EU wants its own passport for homosexual parents

It may not be the EU’s most pressing problem at the moment, but now there may be a kind of separate passport for rainbow parents. Commission President Von der Leyen is “very proud of the new rules”. But Hungary and Poland don’t want to play along.

The planned certificate is intended to make life easier for same-sex couples with children within the European Union. Because there are still different rules in the member states. “Without any special procedures” — according to the bill — parenthood from an EU country should apply to all states in order to create legal clarity for lesbian and gay parents with children.

According to the proposal, recognition of parenthood should apply to all families “regardless of how the child was conceived or born” and regardless of the type of family or the nationality of family members. This should be documented in the new “passport”. “Proud of the new rules,” tweeted EU Commission President Ursula von der Leyen, adding a rainbow symbol to her message.

Homosexual associations expect equality with straight parents

Homosexual associations naturally welcome the planned innovation because “rainbow families regularly face significant obstacles in the recognition of parenthood”. While practically the same laws would apply to heterosexual parents across borders, this would be different for homosexual couples if they changed within the EU. “Whether a child continues to have two parents after a move often depends on coincidences,” said the German Lesbian and Gay Association (LSVD). In the past, after the separation of same-sex parents in some countries, one of the partners was no longer recognized as a parent. Custody was withdrawn through the back door. [So to speak.]

Hungary and Poland signaled concerns about rules

However, it seems uncertain whether the planned regulation will actually come in favour of the rainbow parents. Conservative states such as Hungary and Poland have already expressed concerns, and many are expecting a veto from Warsaw and Budapest. However, the certificate for homosexual parents would have to be decided unanimously within the EU in order to be able to come into force.

Afterword from the translator:

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