Disadvantaged and Marginalized Swedish Youths Take Hostages in an Eskilstuna Prison

Two misguided “Swedish” youngsters have reacted to years of discrimination and racism by taking two guards hostage in a prison in the Swedish city of Eskiltuna.

The conclusion of the following account is a sardonic spoof; the original on which it is based is here (see also this Yahoo News report). The inspiration for the final paragraph is this line from the original: “Tabloid newspaper Aftonbladet reports that they have offered to release one of the hostages in exchange for having 20 kebab pizzas distributed to other inmates.”

Swedish officials say two inmates have taken a pair of prison guards hostage. The Swedish Prison and Probation Service said they were barricaded inside part of the penitentiary 75 miles west of Stockholm in what officials described as “a very dangerous situation.” The prison service said the inmates abducted the prison officers after breaking into a guards’ room soon on Wednesday and covering up the surveillance cameras. Swedish media say the prisoners have demanded a helicopter to help them escape.

Tabloid newspaper Aftonbladet reports that they have offered to release one of the hostages in exchange for an advance of 20 virgins in anticipation of the 72 they expect to receive upon martyrdom. The Swedish government is making a frenzied effort to find virgins. Officials say privately that they are unlikely to locate that many before tonight’s deadline.

My attempt at gallows humor is not meant to detract from the seriousness of the situation in Eskiltuna. This is an ongoing story, and there’s no telling what the final outcome will be, but it may not turn out well for those two unfortunate guards.

Kurt Westergaard R.I.P.

Many thanks to LN for translating this article from the Swedish alternative news site Samhällsnytt:

Muhammad cartoonist Kurt Westergaard has died

by Almgren

The well-known Danish artist Kurt Westergaard has died at the age of 86. Westergaard became widely known when his illustration of the Muslim prophet Muhammad was published in Jyllands-Posten in 2005.

As a cartoonist at Jyllands-Posten, Kurt Westergaard became the embodiment of freedom of expression in Denmark, Berlingske writes in a obituary of the artist. His cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad created one of Denmark’s biggest foreign policy crises ever, Ekstra Bladet recalls.

Westergaard has described himself as “a culturally radical half-hippie who advocates peace, space for all and good coexistence.”

In addition to creating a foreign policy crisis, Westergaard’s drawing made him an object of hatred for Muslims around the world. According to information, a price of several million kronor was put on his head, the newspaper writes. He was soon forced to live under the constant protection of PET, the Danish security and intelligence service.

Attacked in his home

On January 1, 2010, a man with a Somali background broke into Westergaard’s home and attacked him with an ax and a knife. Westergaard escaped by locking himself in his bathroom, which the authorities refitted as a security room.

Police were quickly on the scene and shot the attacker in one leg and arm, after he also attacked them with his weapons. The man was sentenced to ten years in prison and then deported for life. Following the assassination attempt, Westergaard’s PET bodyguard protection was further expanded.

A couple of years later, a 29-year-old man was also arrested. This after making a bomb threat against Westergaard.

Westergaard was born in Døstrup in North Jutland. Before he started as a cartoonist at Jyllands-Posten in 1983, he had worked for several years as a teacher of German and a school inspector. At Jyllands-Posten, Westergaard continued to work as a subscriber until his retirement in 2010.

“I want to be remembered as someone who fought for freedom of speech. But there is no doubt that there are those who instead remember me as a Satan who insulted the religion of a billion people.”

Westergaard fell asleep in silence after a long illness. He leaves behind a wife, five children, ten grandchildren and one great-grandchild.

Joe Gilpin’s Ride

Our longtime German translator JLH sends occasional pastiches and spoofs. His latest poetic effort is an inside-the-Beltway extravaganza.

Joe Gilpin’s Ride

by JLH

Joe Gilpin was a politico
Of dubious renown;
A life-long lover of taxes was he,
Of storied Washingtown.

Joe Gilpin’s wife was Dr. Lill,
Who said one day to him:
“Of all the years that we’ve been married,
Not one has not been grim.

“When we meet females of any size,
Or age or other description,
Your hands perform as if they were
Decoding a Braille inscription.

“You did it as a senator,
And for many long years past,
And though your thoughts are slower now,
Your hands are just as fast.

You love the Secret Service girls
Who must guard you when you swim,
Cavorting nude so they can see
Your legendary limb.”

He fondly answered, and lightly stroked
Her piquant derrière,
“Just as I love all taxing schemes,
To take whatever’s there,

“Just so, I love all female-kind,
And that is why I dare
To stroke a lovely female rear
With kind grandfatherly care.

“They know indeed I mean no harm,
I’m old and devil-may-care.
I just love women, girls and all,
And love to smell their hair.

“So where my hands are when I sniff
Nobody needs to know,” he said,
And sauntered inattentively down
To where the Capitol subway sped.

He was going to a birthday bash
For a 12-year-old he knew,
Bringing Château-Neuf-du-Pape,
Either a cuvée or a cru,

Stuck out his foot and made a pose,
To enter with éclat,
Departing then with such a speed
As provoked in all great awe.

For a squirrel somewhere had trod too far,
And blown a transformer out.
And this, while mortal for the beast,
Did things no one could doubt.

Joe’s foot had wedged between two seats,
And drew its writhing master
Away at speed and then perforce
Continued even faster.

And as he flew and writhed and screamed
And fiercely clutched the wine,
He disappeared with the subway car,
Around a corner down the line.

“Good heavens. Joe!” called Dr. Lill.
“Don’t lose that costly stuff,
For if you do, I promise you,
Homecoming will be rough!”

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Viruses of All Countries Unite!


Erich Honecker was the penultimate communist leader of the DDR (German Democratic Republic, commonly known as East Germany). In the following satirical video Mr. Honecker returns from the grave to address the crowd during a celebration of the establishment of full totalitarian socialism in Germany thanks to the Wuhan Coronavirus (and with the help of Angela Merkel).

The humor in this piece derives in part from a number of puns and political references that may not be obvious to non-Germans. Check the notes that follow the transcript for explanations of some of the subtleties.

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for the translation, and to Vlad Tepes and RAIR Foundation for the subtitling:

Video transcript:

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Somebody Must Have Sprayed Red B Gon

A couple of weeks ago our Portuguese correspondent Orwell sent in this photo of a billboard in Loulé in the Algarve celebrating the centennial of communism in Portugal:

At some point since then the red billboard, like so many enemies of communism, has been disappeared:

Orwell had this to say about the vanished billboard:

It’s bizarre!

It looks like someone else has taken solid action to remove the huge PCP communist banner ad. Not only that, but the frame supporting it has also been completely demolished.

Rightly so.

Note: For the title of this post I thought up “Red B Gon” as an imaginary (but much-needed) product that eliminates communism at home and in the workplace.

It’s my habitual practice to do an internet search for any clever idea I come up with, because 95% of the time someone has already thought of the same thing. In this case, a product called “Red-B-Gone” already exists. Its purpose is to get rust out of water pumps and similar devices where the constant presence of water causes rust to accumulate. However, I couldn’t find any product by the same name that is designed to get rid of commies, so the diligent householder will just have to do that particular job himself.

Virulent New Strain of COVID Discovered in Myanmar

Yangon, Myanmar (Reuters) — Researchers at the King Tharrawaddy Virological Institute in Yangon have discovered a new variant of the COVID virus which they say is more virulent and possibly far more deadly than any earlier variants, even the British one.

Zaw Wai Soe, the acting Minister of Health, made the announcement on Wednesday during a Zoom conference call with high-ranking officials in the military government. Dr. Zaw Wai Soe, after consulting with the World Health Organization, determined that the new strain of coronavirus differs genetically from previous variants to such an extent that it will be given a separate taxonomic designation, Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus 3 (SARS-CoV-3), and be referred to internationally as COVID-21 as a convenient and easily recognizable shorter form.

The potential lethality of COVID-21 is a result of two additional partial nucleotide sequences within the entire viral RNA genome, one of them remarkably like a partial sequence from the Ebola virus, and the other resembling the Nairovirus that causes Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever. Microbiologists in China and Canada have ruled out any possibility that this new strain was artificially created in a laboratory, but do not offer any explanation for the mysterious appearance of the new sequences in COVID-21.

Epidemiologists who have studied the new virus say that the following characteristics are to be expected:

  • Symptoms of COVID-21 may include: high fever, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, eructation, bowel stoppage, bleeding through pores in the skin, and sudden fractures of bones in the chest, hips, and legs.
  • The virus may propagate via earth, air, fire, water, tree sap, motor oil, and magma.
  • Individuals may spread it by coughing, sneezing, talking, singing, exhaling, or looking at one another.
  • Virus particles may linger on surfaces and remain viable for up to nineteen years.
  • Standard hand sanitizers, whose active ingredient is ethyl alcohol, will be ineffective against COVID-21. New sanitizers containing acetone or toluene will be required, although a buffer for them that would limit skin damage has yet to be devised.
  • A person may be infected with the COVID-21 virus and remain symptomless and unaware of the infection, but the virus has the capacity to encyst itself in the spleen, lungs, or bone marrow, and then re-emerge years or decades later to ravage the body and cause disability or death.
  • The wearing of at least six (6) layered N-95 masks will be required.
  • A social distance of at least seven (7) meters [23 feet] between individuals must be maintained at all times.

Pfizer and AstraZeneca are already developing vaccines against COVID-21. Rollout is expected to begin in two to three months.

At a hastily convened press conference at the foot of the steps to Air Force One, President Joe Biden warned the American people that new sacrifices would be required of them in order that they might remain safe. He said, “Now, I know that I told my subjects… uh… citizens that we would soon be moving into the New Normal. But — c’mon, man! You can see that this… uh… new thing changes everything, and all that.”

Dr. Anthony Fauci took the microphone at that point to provide additional details: “As the president so eloquently stated, the New Normal will be delayed. When it arrives, HHS will notify citizens via a special app on their smartphones, which will also display the new rules and give people basic information about healthy practices, plus instructions on how they must behave to remain safe. The same app will also monitor their movements and activities to ensure compliance with the rules.

“I can’t emphasize too strongly that, unfortunately, we won’t be able to return to our old way of life. COVID is here to stay.”

In response to the dangerous new coronavirus, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson added a new, higher alert level to the four-tier system (Tier 1, Medium alert; Tier 2, High alert; Tier 3, Very High alert; and Tier 4, Stay at Home): “Tier 5, Stay in Your Bedroom”.

Under the new Tier 5 restrictions, residents may only leave their bedrooms to go to the lavatory or get food from the kitchen, and must be back behind a closed bedroom door within three minutes. Using new powers granted them by the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill, police will monitor citizens’ compliance using drones, thermal imaging, and microbots inserted through mail slots or under doors to surveil the interiors of homes.

Inverting and Subverting the Woke Paradigm

Most readers will remember the “It’s OK to be White” poster campaign that has popped up from time to time around the country over the last few years. It was (and is) a brilliant move by subversive guerillas in the information war. They troll the Social Justice Warriors with an innocuous slogan that causes consternation and outrage, provokes billions of bytes’ worth of angry posts on social media, and ties up law enforcement resources as police are ordered to investigate the posters as “hate crimes”.

And those racial theatrics produce a clarifying moment for the culture at large. All the outrage and vitriol and legal actions demonstrate in a most emphatic manner that it is not OK to be white. That my whiteness — an inherent characteristic that I am unable to change — makes me a doubleplus ungood creature who cannot redeem himself, no matter how much he apologizes and debases himself and grovels at the feet of the Brown Ascendancy.

Any white person who hasn’t already drunk the Critical Race Theory kool-aid must surely have noticed by now that there is nothing he can do to appease the Woke brigades. Extermination is the only solution to the problem of “whiteness”.

The technique employed in the “It’s OK to be White” posters might be termed an inversion. It takes a common trope from the dominant culture and turns it around to create an unexpected message. And the genius of this particular idea is that it makes the message as inoffensive as possible. It’s not “White is Beautiful” or anything of that nature, which would have been an exact inversion. Instead it is mild and reasonable, which means that the inevitable hysterical response highlights the deranged animosity motivating the shrill harpies who dominate public discourse.

I was thinking about all this while I was travelling last week, and it occurred to me that we need more inversions of the Woke paradigm. Mild, harmless images and words guaranteed to make the SJWs apoplectic. The billboard at the top of this post is an example of what I mean — a kind, friendly, attractive black person who has white people as friends. What could be more racist and hateful than that?

If we were to put up a real billboard with the message, we obviously couldn’t use that particular photo of Tyler Perry, who is apparently a famous and very rich actor. I seriously doubt he would allow himself to be featured in any “white supremacist” propaganda. But surely there must be some non-Woke black people who would get the point and enjoy the joke. Walter Williams comes to mind, but he is, alas, no longer with us.

Just think what the reaction would be if billboards like that began popping up here and there in American cities. Mind you, it might be difficult to actually get any of them up. Even if a billboard company were inattentive enough to allow the message to appear, the local franchise of Woke Central would immediately call down the wrath of the police, the mayor, the city council, state legislators, and possibly the U.S. Congress against the WAYCIST who bought and paid for the space.

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The Mysterious Melanization of Siberia

D@rLin|{, who translates both Russian and Hebrew for Vlad and Gates of Vienna, sends this screen cap from a Russian-language forum (translation below):

Header:

Hollywood is working on a blockbuster “Gulag Archipelago” based on Solzhenitsyn’s stories

Comments:

  • I didn’t think that Siberia could change people to such an extent…
  • Nothing strange about it, they just got tanned while felling trees.
  • Morgan Freeman is going to play Stalin?

The Mad Dog Election

As you all know by now, Time magazine recently published an article entitled “The Secret History of the Shadow Campaign That Saved the 2020 Election”, which basically owns up to all the things that “conspiracy theorists” said the Left did to swing the presidential election to Joe Biden. Yes, it stops short of acknowledging all those hastily manufactured mail-in ballots that were trucked in at the last moment and run through counting machines multiple times. But it describes everything else we deplorables have been saying about what happened — the media manipulation, the alliance between the hard Left and major corporations, etc.

What stood out for me when I read the article was this paragraph:

That’s why the participants want the secret history of the 2020 election told, even though it sounds like a paranoid fever dream—a well-funded cabal of powerful people, ranging across industries and ideologies, working together behind the scenes to influence perceptions, change rules and laws, steer media coverage and control the flow of information. They were not rigging the election; they were fortifying it. And they believe the public needs to understand the system’s fragility in order to ensure that democracy in America endures. [emphasis added]

Perhaps because I’m an old hippie, the word “fortified” immediately made me think of fortified wine. Which is wine (or at least a base imitation of wine) that has been supercharged by the infusion of distilled spirits, usually brandy. The cheapest varieties of such “wines” are augmented by artificial flavoring and garish colors. Examples include Thunderbird (the old version of it, bottled by Gallo if I’m not mistaken) and MD 20/20 (bottled by Mogen David), more popularly known as “Mad Dog”.

What better metaphor could be found for the November 3 election? The Left started out with a weak, ineffective product, fortified it with a massive infusion of specially distilled votes, added artificial ideological flavors and colors, and the Biden/Harris administration is the intoxicating result!

It was strong enough to vote ordinary Americans under the table. And now the entire country needs to go into detox.

All the Self-Righteousness and Twice the Repression!

It’s time to take a break from all the madness and watch a brief satirical video from Germany.

Actually, it doesn’t really provide a break from the insanity. But at least we get to laugh at it.

Many thanks to Hellequin GB for the translation, and to Vlad Tepes and RAIR Foundation for the subtitling:

Video transcript:

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Hairy is as Hairy Does

A few days ago I read somewhere on the Intertubes that the word “pelosi” means “hairy” in Italian. Given that it’s such a fraught word, I didn’t trust an online search to confirm the accuracy of the assertion. Fortunately, I have an Italian-English dictionary on the linguistics shelf in the library here at Schloss Bodissey. I looked for words beginning with “pelos-“, and sure enough: “peloso” means “hairy”.

It seemed to me that “pelosi” must be the plural of the same (masculine) adjective, so I checked with the Italian group on skype, and they confirmed that this was indeed the case.

The problem with using this serendipitous information is that English doesn’t use plural markers with adjectives. We don’t say (just to pick a random example), “Look at all those hairies feminists!”

Nevertheless, it’s a crime to let a good joke go to waste. Vlad and I put our heads together and combined our brainpower (giving us almost an entire brain) to make this meme:

It works just fine in Italian. Many thanks to Gary Fouse for translating it.

Oh, the Humanity!

This morning I was rummaging through a kitchen cabinet and came across the following product, left over from the days when Dymphna was mistress of the kitchen:

It took me aback. Could it be possible that this item is actually on sale in America? Wouldn’t it cause incidents of mass triggering in supermarket aisles?

“Just Whites” is marketed as being wholesome and healthy — all natural, cholesterol free, fat free, sugar free, etc. But I am not so easily fooled. Everyone knows that Whiteness = Toxicity.

It don’t know how old the can is. Some of Dymphna’s foodstuffs are decades old, especially those on the spice shelves. This one is new enough to have a barcode, but old enough not to have a QR code.

It made me curious, so I did a quick search online. It’s listed on Amazon, but is “currently unavailable”. A poster on a food-related forum back in 2015 complained that Just Whites, one of her favorite products, was no longer being sold. So maybe the management at Deb El went through diversity training, wised up, and got Woke.

By the way: “Deb El” sounds suspiciously Hebraic, but it turns out to be a composite of the names of the founders, Elliot Gibber and his wife Debbie. Nevertheless, Gibber is probably a Jewish name, so I reckon this supposedly innocuous product is in fact a Jewish conspiracy to trigger people of color.

Don’t be taken in. It’s time to stand tall and resist the Whiteness!