Two misguided “Swedish” youngsters have reacted to years of discrimination and racism by taking two guards hostage in a prison in the Swedish city of Eskiltuna.
The conclusion of the following account is a sardonic spoof; the original on which it is based is here (see also this Yahoo News report). The inspiration for the final paragraph is this line from the original: “Tabloid newspaper Aftonbladet reports that they have offered to release one of the hostages in exchange for having 20 kebab pizzas distributed to other inmates.”
Swedish officials say two inmates have taken a pair of prison guards hostage. The Swedish Prison and Probation Service said they were barricaded inside part of the penitentiary 75 miles west of Stockholm in what officials described as “a very dangerous situation.” The prison service said the inmates abducted the prison officers after breaking into a guards’ room soon on Wednesday and covering up the surveillance cameras. Swedish media say the prisoners have demanded a helicopter to help them escape.
Tabloid newspaper Aftonbladet reports that they have offered to release one of the hostages in exchange for an advance of 20 virgins in anticipation of the 72 they expect to receive upon martyrdom. The Swedish government is making a frenzied effort to find virgins. Officials say privately that they are unlikely to locate that many before tonight’s deadline.
My attempt at gallows humor is not meant to detract from the seriousness of the situation in Eskiltuna. This is an ongoing story, and there’s no telling what the final outcome will be, but it may not turn out well for those two unfortunate guards.