After the fall of the Dutch cabinet and Mark Rutte’s retirement last month, The Netherlands will go to the polls in November to vote in a snap election. Our Dutch correspondent H. Numan has the grisly political details about what most likely lies ahead.

Bud Light elections in The Netherlands

by H. Numan

It’s official: on the 22nd of November the Dutch go to vote for a new government. It’ll be unique elections. Very unique elections, with no less than four major parties getting the Bud Light experience! It’s too soon to forecast anything more, especially when such a major change is in sight. So I’ll stick with what is certain to happen.

The breaker pays for the damage

In Dutch politics it’s customary that the party that caused the premature resignation of a cabinet pays for it. In the past the VVD conservatives were very capable of putting the blame on anyone but themselves and got away with it. Not this time. It’s not impossible that they may survive a major mauling and form part of a new coalition. But they will certainly have to pay for it this time. The only question is: how much?

1. The conservatives go down

Why is the VVD going down on the brown creek without paddles? The everlasting Dear Leader had to retire. He’s relatively young, so you can expect him to crawl from his political grave. But for now, he’s out of the running. Mark Rutte consistently removed anyone who could possibly replace him. Every crown prince or princess bit the dust. In big political parties there are more than enough nobodies and wannabes; they picked the minister of Justice Dilan Yesilgöz-Zegerius as their new leader.

Try saying that three times fast! Let’s call her mamma Ataturk, as she holds dual Turkish and Dutch nationality. As with most muslims, she prefers to be called by a Dutch-sounding name. She is the only noteworthy currently available and willing. Mamma Ataturk is going to campaign with the age-old lie: vote VVD mamma Ataturk for fewer muslim migrants. Doesn’t sound sincere, does it? What worked for Rutte won’t work for Ataturk. Looks like she is a volunteer sacrificial lamb. Or goat.

2. The Christian Democrats are history

Next on the list are the Christian Democrats. They abused and kicked out their very own Lazarus. The last elections (not that long ago) they got rid of the only man that easily could revive their pending doom. Not because Pieter Omtzigt had a different opinion, far from it. If anyone is toeing the party line, it’s him. But simply because they hated him. They ousted him not once, but twice. First by Fancy Shoes Hugo. Click the link. Yes, he really wears those shoes in public, even on formal occasions. He proved to be a disaster, and was quickly replaced by another nobody. That Mr. Nobody politely announced he won’t run. Who will replace him, no idea. The best the Christian Hypocrites can hope for is being halved in size. Anything more will require divine intervention.

3. D66 is getting a haircut

Make that a military haircut, marine style. D66 is a extremely woke party. As such, they are ready for the cleaners. Their leader was Sigrid Al-Qaq, who prefers to be called Sigrid Kaag. That’s better for votes. Openly stating she is a muslim convert would not be a wise move. D66 tried to kill two birds with one stone. Make her the first female as well as the first Dutch muslim prime minister. It failed. She had to settle for second best, as vice prime minister. Well, she left politics in a huff. The country doesn’t deserve her! For once, I agree.

Her replacement is Brains from the Thunderbirds. His real name is Rob Jetten. When he first appeared, his striking resemblance to Brains stuck. He is not a nobody, more an incompetent nincompoop. He was chosen because he is gay. Not much more to say. Unpopular, even in his own party. D66 is going down. How far we don’t know yet. But the polls expect them to drop from 25 to under 12 seats.

4. Proletarians unite

…and march towards your very own demise! Next on the list and the last one going to the cleaners are Labor (PvdA) and GL (ex communists). You can get them on a two-for-one offer; they have merged. Labor used to be the biggest of the three socialist parties by far. The woker they went, the fewer voters they kept. By merging with GL they hope to revive their fortune. That’s a vain illusion, calculating yourself rich. GreenLeft are the ex-communists who re-branded themselves as environmentalists.

Ordinary Dutch voters never voted en masse for communists. The CPN always was a small party for middle and upper classes with a grudge. They needed a proletariat, but the proletariat never needed them. After the fall of communism they went upmarket and totally green. Common people have no business voting there. It’s not in their best interests, to put it mildly. A merger with the declining socialists won’t help either. Just one more reason not to vote socialist. If they wanted to vote green, they would have done that already.

But there is more. They asked Frans Timmermans to become next prime minister. Fat Frans is everything you DON’T want in a politician. Fully self-centered. Morbidly obese, corrupt, greedy, spiteful, not very competent. A couple of years ago he was promoted upstairs to Brussels to get rid of him. Unfortunately, he thrived in that environment. He is the current EU environmental minister; the extreme environmental legislation is his. In Brussels he’s at a dead end. Paris and Berlin don’t want to promote him, so he’s happy to slither back home. Currently he is on holiday to lose some weight.

Look at his photo, he resembles Santa Claus. The difference being he takes not only cookies and milk but also everything else not nailed to the floor. For which you have to be grateful, Santa deemed you worthy of his presence! Among his party elites he is popular, but anywhere else, not exactly. Labor/GL have their hopes pinned on him. But I see it differently. His election would cause great hardship for the common voter. They currently poll +28 seats, but that is by eating away other progressive parties. A lot of D66, CU and SP voters are switching to this monstrosity. I expect them to do very badly in the actual elections.

Woke at work. Look at Anheuser Busch. What have they learned? Nothing. Has the CEO apologized? Of course not! He even lacks the courage to say he can’t do anything else because his financing is controlled by left wing activists. They don’t own the banks, just the people who control the banks.

Socialists have learned nothing and forgotten nothing. It’s all about power. There is no real difference at all between national socialists and international socialists. Just like Roman Catholicism and Calvinism are two variations of Christianity. Not the same, quite different, but both are Christian denominations. The communists controlled people based on wealth. The nazis on race. The woke merge wealth with race (BLM), gender and environmentalism. It’s just another method to control the population. A hoax, if you will. Their righteous indignation for poor, gender and the environment are simply the means to get it.

The Bud Light effect is that it only works until a certain point. The people have had enough. There is no violence, no outcry, no vilifying. People simply stopped buying the product. Nobody told them to do that. It just happened.

That’s what is going to happen in the coming Dutch elections too. The voters have had enough of it, and nobody — yet — stands next to you in the voting box. There is a sure sign that my theory is right, though: the rats are leaving the ship. Not only did Rutte resign from politics, so did Sigrid al Qaq and a load of other progressive politicians. They know what is coming!

— H. Numan

Key to Dutch parties: