Boris and the Burka

El Inglés uses the recent controversy over Boris Johnson’s remarks to introduce some little-known historical examples of Islamophobia.

Boris and the Burka

by El Inglés

Boris Johnson is at it again, it seems. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the kitchen, Britain’s most/least-admired/hated (delete as appropriate) white, straight, male, privileged, politician has caused a stir by saying that Muslim women in burkas look like ‘bank-robbers’ and ‘letter-boxes.’

Given that no bank robber in the history of the world has ever actually looked like a letterbox, it seems clear that at least one of these two epithets must be inaccurate. Here, we will put that to one side and focus on the response to his comments.

One Lord Cooper, of whose existence I was unaware until fairly recently, communicated the following via Twitter in response to Boris’s comments:

The rottenness of Boris Johnson goes deeper even than his casual racism and his equally casual courting of fascism. He will advocate literally anything to play to the crowd of the moment.

Lord Cooper, which actually means Lord Barrelmaker, and is therefore a very weird title, had effectively accused Boris of being a fascist. Woop-de-doop. Another day, another fascist under the bed. So far, so original.

Let us ask, though: was the charge actually fair in this particular case? It is no secret that Boris is a gigantic, attention-seeking bellend. Could he also be a fascist?

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Whatever exactly one thinks of Johnson’s comments, we need to be clear about one thing: anti-Muslim feeling has by no stretch of the imagination been limited to fascists, historically speaking. People of all different political backgrounds have despised Islam equally. Let us consider a few examples here.

Ho Chi Minh — Communist and Islamophobe Extraordinaire

Ho Chi Minh was a hugely talented Islamophobe. According to his unauthorized biography Not That Type of Ho…, Ho was arrested for attacking a group of Algerian men with a meat cleaver during his days in Paris in the 1920s. He was quoted in his police statement as having said:

Why so many ****ing Muslims in Paris? Why they park all over sidewalk so no can pass? Why they shout at me and lady friend when we walk down street? Next time I kill even more, ****ing hate ****ing Muslims.

That hard-left sentiments and anti-Muslim bigotry often walk hand-in-hand is made abundantly clear by this tale of borderline psychotic Islamophobia.

Jane Austen — World-famous Victorian novelist and grand wizard-level Islamophobe

Jane Austen’s position as a greatly-loved English novelist seemed unassailable until 2014, when previously unknown letters of hers exposed her as a raving anti-Islamic nutcase. The following is a particularly choice demonstration of her unrelenting anti-letterbox bigotry.

I happened upon a most unlovely bearded bollockhead of a Mohammedan a few short days ago, whereupon I did immediately start screeching the vilest of slurs at him: goat****er, sand monkey, and others that quite escape me at present but that yielded great pleasure at the time. I went home feeling rather pleased with myself and enjoyed a celebratory scone with extra jam. Goat****ers everywhere these days, darling, you simply can’t imagine.

Pancho Villa — Mexican revolutionary Islamophobe

Not only an unreconstructed sombrero-wearer and tequila-drinker, Pancho Villa was well ahead of the curve as an Islamophobe too. An undercover documentary released on YouTube in 2013 constituted incontrovertible evidence of this. At one point, a voice, subsequently identified as Villa’s, is heard to say:

You haf to remeber wid de Moosleems dat dey dreenk de blod of two infeedels every day jos’ to stay alive, ese. We talkin’ bout som baaad hombres, hermano. In Mexico, we shoot on sight, no questions asked. No Moosleems in Mexico ese, an’ we aim to keep it dat way….

Edward the Third — Launcher of Hundred Years’ War against the French, and precocious Islamophobe

Edward the Third, when not busy battling the Valois dynasty for the French throne, was a tireless opponent of the Islamic religion and its adherents. Historians recently unearthed one of his angrier diatribes about the Muslims swarming his capital city. We quote from a post he made on Facebook in 1363:

Gordon Bennett, you can’t walk dahna bladdy street in Walthamstow these days witha’ smackin’ into a coupla Muzzies. Bleedin’ letterboxes all ovah tha bladdy place, know wot ah mean, guvna? Absolutely bladdy dizgastin’, dass wah’ ah fink, send the beggahz ’ome quick sharp, innit.

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We could adduce further examples, but consider the foregoing to be more than adequate to establish the key point here — hostility towards Muslims can by no means be considered an indicator of fascism in and of itself. Islamophobia is to be found everywhere.

As such, we must insist that the Honorable Lord Barrelmaker (that sounds really weird) withdraw his outrageous slander of Boris and describe him as all reasonable, fair-minded people do — as a gigantic, attention-seeking bellend. Only in this manner can justice be served.

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15 thoughts on “Boris and the Burka

  1. I had to look up “bellend”. From context, it seems to mean “noisy person”, and is possibly related to the German word “bellend”, which applies to dogs and means “barking, yapping”. But it turns out to mean what in Chinese is called a 亀頭 “turtle head”, as confirmed by

    • “Bellend” means glans of a penis and (Technically “bell-end” … I guess it looks kinda like the (top) end of a bell?) So it’s simply another word for ****head 🙂

      • The naval connection seems to have been forgotten. Fifty years ago the term “bell end” referred to a back splice (or alternatively a more decorative piece of ropework to prevent a rope from fraying like a Turks head). Those who have seen a back splice, or even worse held one, will understand why sailors also used the term as an insult.

        A few years ago I saw someone stopping a rope from fraying by simply tying the end in a knot. I asked him if he knew how to do a bell end and was surprised when his offspring sniggered.

  2. goat****er, sand monkey, and others …

    Of all the rotten, l***, dear me, Jane Austen? I shan’t know who next to suspect of a most unbecoming Islamophobia. Dymphna?

  3. Very funny, El Ingles, but dear Jane Austen was *not* a Victorian. She died in 1817; Victoria was correlated in 1838.

    Love the Edward III blurb. We just studied him in school.

    • I did not know until now that England had a ” Kwama Mhlumbi ” Dynasty in the middle ages. No wonder so that he tried to conquer France, though prematurely.

    • Damn, I was going to look it up, but I was so confident her dates were about right….

  4. Didn’t Ned Kelly look somewhat like a letterbox/postbox when he had his armour and helmet on, or was he not a bankrobber per se ?
    Helmet, another British slang word for bellend !

  5. The Novel Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. Date: 1818, Austria

    “Safie related that her mother was a Christian Arab, seized
    and made a slave by the Turks; recommended by her beauty,
    she had won the heart of the father of Safie, who married her.
    The young girl spoke in high and enthusiastic terms of her
    mother, who, born in freedom, spurned the bondage to which
    she was now reduced. She instructed her daughter in the tenets
    of her religion and taught her to aspire to higher powers of
    intellect and an independence of spirit forbidden to the female
    followers of Muhammad.

  6. El Ingles: At the moment the “bellend” is the best shot at unseating Treason May and getting a real Brexit rather than a name-only sellout. So as another Englishman I suggest you stop helping our enemies and keep your comments for another day.

    Their is no chance of Johnson being an sort of “anti-islamist” . Despite his rather innocuous remarks–blown out of proportion by media scum to attack him as a real Brexit- supporting replacement for May–he supports all sorts of twaddle such as amnesty for illegals.

    Indeed there are NO real anti-takeover supporters in the HoC at all.

    One job at a time. Johnson is not too trustworthy BUT he has been obliged by events– ie the treason of May and her gang of remainiac scum– to nail his colours to the mast as far as Brexit goes and that is what matters NOW.

    If you want to have a go at him–save it for later and kindly don’t be doing the Euro-trash’s work for them at an important point in our fight for the first level of freedom.

  7. It would have been perfect if Pancho Villa had said, “We don’t need no stinking Muslims!”

  8. I am not Islamophob, that´s for sure… A “Phobie” is a “Angst” without reason.
    But Mohammed and his Islam-Army gives me plenty reason to have “Angst”…like 14oo years Attack on Europa…two times on my city Vienna. It never, ever stoped…and today?
    By 100 crimes a day, I can calculate my turn.
    Did you know? 33 000 deadly terror attacks since 9/11…. A “Phobie”without reason?
    Was Ghandi “Islamophobe” too?… NO, he knew, like very few here, that India had the biggest ISLAM-Hollocaust of all times with 80 Million slaughtert. There can never be peace.
    In 1947 Islam-Pakistan separatet.

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