Zelensky Converts to Islam

There’s some surprising news out of Ukraine this morning. Below is the report from the Associated Press:

Kyiv, April 1, 2022 (AP) — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky convened a press conference today to announce that he has converted to Islam.

Mr. Zelensky said that he has spent the last three weeks in close consultation with Samer Afirov, the imam of the main mosque of Ukraine’s capital city, Kyiv. Imam Afirov is one of the hundreds of Crimean Muslims who fled their homes in Simferopol — which is 500 miles southeast of Kyiv — when Russia annexed the Crimea.

Mr. Zelensky expressed his appreciation for the imam’s knowledge and devotion. “With his help,” said the president, “I was able to understand righteousness and magnificence of Allah. I realized that in order to do the right thing for my country, I had to do what is right by Allah, as explained by His messenger Mohammed (peace be upon him).

“Although I come from a Jewish background, up until my conversion I had no religious inclinations and was basically an unbeliever. But now I have realized the error of my ways, and intend to rectify my earlier mistakes by fighting zealously in the way of Allah.

“And I also intend to help Christian Ukrainians see the error of their ways when they associate partners with Allah by worshipping the Trinity. The doctrine of tawhid tells us that Allah is one; He is without partners. There is none but He. All other beliefs are shirk, the sin of polytheism.

“With Allah’s help, our jihad will drive the infidel Russians from our land, insh’allah. Then, when Islam reigns supreme in Ukraine, there will be peace at last. Christians and Jews will be able to live in harmony within the Caliphate, aware of their protected status under Islamic law.

“With the help of Allah and his Messenger (peace be upon him) we shall be victorious!”

27 thoughts on “Zelensky Converts to Islam

  1. Did he repent for his past support for the “Zionist Entity”? 😉

    Anyway… Happy April Fool’s!

  2. I realize this is an April Fool joke, yet it’s still entirely believable.
    Welcome to Clown World 2022.

  3. Clever,but it is April Fool’s day.

    This year in my country(Greece) April Fool’s day is postponed because it cannot compete with the reality.

    In spite of how we live here in the West,i wish you a happy April Fool’s day.

  4. This news doesn`t sound to be true,
    but at least it`s fresh and new.

    The first of April?

  5. Once again, the Barron has got me until I remember what day it is. I do think this will become a popular trend (regardless of what day it is) among European politicians however.

  6. He’s going to need Allah’s help, the West is too preoccupied with it’s own demise

  7. Hmmm. Big news, if true. Not to be one to distrust the media (har, har), but I have to wonder whether AP honors April Fool’s Day or could be a victim of it.

  8. Hmm. Big news, if true. Never one to distrust the media (har, har), I do wonder whether the AP honors April Fool’s — or is a victim of it.

  9. If it wasn’t April Fools Day, I would have totally believed this.

  10. I almost believed this until I realized today’s date. How gullible I can be at times even if it is not inconceivable that it could be true! Thank you Baron for bringing some levity to this chaotic situation.

  11. Okay. I got it.
    April Fools.

    My sense of humor probably needs hospitalization.

  12. Strange tidings from the East, Gold, Frankinscence and Myrrh,
    Putin, of course has become a transvestite nun,
    and and on certain days we have some fun.

    Biden however remains the same, a manly meme and a cause absurd, cone in hand he licks them all, a tutti-fruity force majeur

  13. We see it as an April Fools joke.

    But who says he didnt do it already?

    With the number of true believers in Europe I wouldnt rule it out.

  14. As a strategic move it would be brilliant. Instantly take Chechenia out of the fight and possibly draw Turkey in on Ukraine’s side, while driving a wedge between Russia and Iran, the Gulf states, etc.

  15. Honk! HOnk!
    Clown World is supposed to demoralize you, comrade.
    Laughter is the best!

  16. Don’t give that guy ideas, just imagine the havoc it would create if that guy would convert and become a follower of that raving Desert Lunatic.
    I’m pretty sure he’d dclare himself the next Mahdi in a jiffy.

  17. .

    Minister Annika Strandhäll (S) solves Sweden’s gender power problem with an Alexander chop.

    He and She are banned – He will make Swedes finally equal

    Published April 1, 2022 in Nya Tider

    The sexist pronouns “he” and “she” are to be criminalised to finally break the gender power order. This was announced by the government via Minister Annika Strandhäll today. In an exclusive interview with Nya Tider, she argues that society is ripe for this feminist victory as, for example, hospitals already use expressions such as pregnant persons.

    Sweden is now taking a radical but necessary step to become equal for real. “He” and “she” are abolished and replaced by the feminist new word “hen”. If you can’t express the gender power order in words, you can’t imagine it either, says Minister Annika Strandhäll (S) in a commentary for Nya Tider.

    Since scientists have established that gender is only a social construct, the world will remain sexually divided as long as we perceive it to be so. So abolishing gender is just one law away.

    NyT: Can you really ban words?

    – We already do, it’s no wonder. For example, it’s not allowed to say what colour a person’s skin is because it’s derogatory, at least as long as the person has a certain skin colour. So… that skin colour, you know, that I’m not allowed to say.

    She goes on to say that the government, through various institutions, has been working hard for decades to pave the way for the ultimate victory of gender equality. In hospitals they now say “pregnant people” and if you need to point out a physical characteristic you can say “a person who is menstruating”.

    – You have to understand that genders are only there because we think they are. If we decide they don’t exist, they disappear,’ Strandhäll explains, pointing to a thick stack of reports on gender studies.

    NyT: But you’re not the minister for gender equality, are you?

    – What does it matter? I’ve been Minister for Social Security and Minister for Social Affairs, and before that I was Minister for Public Health, Minister for Health Care and Minister for Sport. Today I am Minister for the Environment and Minister for Climate. I have so many skills that I don’t know where to start. I can actually be a minister of everything, so don’t lecture me, because unlike you, I am a uterus bearer.

    She goes on to say that it has not yet been decided what the scale of punishment for offences against pronouns should be, but that the government-funded experts at the Expo Foundation are being asked to look into the matter. They also have unique expertise in systematising how to track down language offenders effectively.

    – It is important that the law achieves its purpose and at the same time acts as a deterrent, so that it has the intended effect within a reasonable period of time,” emphasises the minister.

    NyT: Will the law really achieve true equality?

    – It will of course be important to continue to check that, for example, the board of directors is made up of at least half people with a uterus. Passports and other identification documents will therefore include information on whether or not a person is a genuine female. Don’t forget that this is the world’s first feminist government!

    But with a cheeky wink, she ends the interview:

    – The fight goes on!

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