Jesus Was Boring

Jesus Was Boring

by Michael Copeland

Quite frankly, to an adventure-seeker,
Jesus was boring.
Look at the things he did NOT do.
After all, he did not:
have a favourite sword called “Neck-Cleaver”,
make dawn raids on unsuspecting villages,
take prisoners,
demand ransom money,
take booty,
behead anyone, let alone 600 in a day,
kill anyone, or take part in stoning people,
have a fire lit on a captive’s chest
to make him say where the money was,
have men’s feet and hands cut off,
their eyes put out with hot nails and leave
them to die on hot desert rocks without water,
order the stoning of an adulterous woman,
authorise his followers to kill critics,
authorise his followers to lie and deceive,
order the house-burning of absent
assembly attendees with them inside,
command his followers to kill
members of other religions,
own black slaves, and trade them,
take girls captive as sex slaves,
consummate marriage with a nine-year-old,
have eleven wives,

marry his daughter-in-law,
drink camel urine, or claim health benefit for it,
order dogs to be killed,
turn red with anger at a curtain
with pictures of animals on it, and tear it down,
say that killing lizards brings benefits in the afterlife,
say that one wing of a fly has the antidote
to the poison on the other wing,
say that the sun sets in a muddy pool,
or go for a night ride on a flying donkey.

No, let’s face it…

Jesus was boring.

For previous essays by Michael Copeland, see the Michael Copeland Archives.

9 thoughts on “Jesus Was Boring

  1. I know you don’t really think Jesus was boring, Michael, but I still have to quote this great passage from “Questions of Life – A Practical Introduction to the Christian faith” by Nicky Gumbel (creator of the Alpha Course):

    “Jesus must have been the most extraordinary person to have around. Sometimes people say that Christianity is boring. Well, it was not boring being with Jesus. When he went to a party, he turned water into wine (John 2:1-11). He received one man’s picnic and multiplied it so that it could feed thousands (Mark 6:30-44). He had control over the elements and could speak to the wind and the waves and thereby stop a storm (Mark 4:35-41). He carried out the most remarkable healings: opening blind eyes, causing the deaf and dumb to hear and speak and enabling the paralysed to walk again. When he visited a hospital a man who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years was able to pick up his bed and walk (John 5:1-9). He set people free from evil forces which had dominated their lives. On occasions, he even brought those who had died back to life (John 11:38-44).”

    Here’s another beautiful passage, this one from “The Door Wherein I went”, the autobiography of a former Lord Chancellor, Lord Hailsham, describing how the person of Jesus came alive to him when he was at university:

    “The first thing we must learn about him is that we should have been absolutely entranced by his company. Jesus was irresistibly attractive as a man … What they crucified was a young man, vital, full of life and the joy of it, the Lord of life itself, and even more the Lord of laughter, someone so utterly attractive that people followed him for the sheer fun of it … the twentieth century needs to recapture the vision of this glorious and happy man whose mere presence filled his companions with delight. No pale Galilean he, but a veritable Pied Piper of Hamelin who would have the children laughing all round him and spealing with pleasure and joy as he picked them up.”

    I just love that!! Merry Christmas to all from a hot Down Under 🙂

  2. but true to His word and righteous in keeping with the divine standard because He himself is divine, being God come in the flesh.
    Oh come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord
    Merrie Christ Masse one and all

    • Lift up you heads, ye gates,
      And be lfted up, O ancient doors,
      That the King of Glory shall come in. (Ps. 24:9)

  3. You can’t make this point often enough. Look at the difference in the lives of these two men!! It’s astounding, and says everything about the fundamentals of the belief systems which they inspired.

  4. At this point, Muhammad is just some boring dust in Medina, awaiting the resurrection and judgment along with the rest of us. Jesus, however, sits body and soul in heaven, risen from the dead and glorified, holding the keys of death and Hades, upholding all things with his Word of power. To him every knee shall bow, whether in terror or gratitude, including the proud knees of the false prophet.

  5. Religion and philosophy are both the product of their parent cultures. The wanton violence of islam is a reflection of what the muslim people are like. Therefore, if you want a peaceful and prosperous society, you must exclude muslims from your lands. This has been common sense in the west for centuries.

  6. “that you may be children of your Father in Heaven.”
    That’s boring? To be able to fly anywhere in the universe? To visit and explore billions of galaxies and planets? Even to create life on other planets? That’s boring?

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