One of my very best friends died at noon today. She was the wife of another of my very best friends, who was my roommate during my senior year in college and has remained a close friend ever since.
His wife had been struggling for several years with a particularly nasty form of cancer. These last few weeks have been grim, as her condition grew progressively worse. A few days ago they had to take her off IV fluids because her veins could simply no longer handle it. She just lay there asleep, beyond even the twilight sleep that had been her lot for the preceding week. Then she just slipped away.
Old people mostly tend to die in the middle of the night, but she was an exception. Her personality was full of sunshine, and she died at midday.
In my age group (ultra-geezer), deaths among my cohort are becoming increasingly frequent. But this one has hit me particularly hard, because she truly was one of my very best friends. She was so kind and helpful to me during those awful months right after Dymphna died — I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without her.
I’m sort of acting as the communication hub on behalf of her husband, to make it easier for him during this horrible time when he has so much to deal with. I’ve spent most of the afternoon making phone calls and writing emails, and there will be more later. As a result, posting may be a bit light.
The title of this post is borrowed from a poem with the same title by William Cullen Bryant. I don’t find the poem itself that notable, but I like the title.
A more appropriate epitaph for my friend would be the well-known Sonnet #73 by William Shakespeare:
That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin’d choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see’st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death’s second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see’st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire,
Consum’d with that which it was nourish’d by.
This thou perceiv’st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
It’s often said that English-speakers are the only people who don’t get to read Shakespeare in their native language. There’s some merit to that assertion, but the above sonnet rings out with utter clarity to this native speaker of Modern English, more than four hundred years after it was written.
May her memory be eternal.
and then a new day dawns in the Lord, a day that knows no sunset.
May Heavenly Light shine upon her.
Condolences for your friend. They are lucky to have you helping out.
Real life is way more important than the screens.
Sorry to hear your sad news. Best wishes to you and those close to your friend.
My sincere condolences, to you and to your bereaved friend on this mighty loss.
Dear baron, so sorry for the loss of your friend.
A beautiful metaphor is that sonnet. I did have to do a little looking-up since Shakespeare had no big role in my language education, but now that such a shortage is so easy to fix:
https://interestingliterature.com/2017/10/a-short-analysis-of-shakespeares-sonnet-73-that-time-of-year-thou-mayst-in-me-behold/
All the best to you and your friend, Baron, strength and hope and peace of mind that her suffering has ended. I had the latest instances of similar experience only recently, twice.
Baron, my sincerest condolences on the loss of your friend.
I’m sorry to hear that.
At least, that’s what I gathered from what you wote, she knew that she was born astride a grave and lived her life accordingly to the fullest.
Now the pain is over and she’s at peace.
May the Lord have mercy upon her soul.
I can only echo the comments above and that Shakespeare sonnet is a wonderful elegy. God Bless the both of you and someday you will meet again, as love conquers all.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope that you and her husband will find some solace in knowing her pain is at an end.
I, like you, am very romantic. I am much younger than you, but nevertheless I am already much closer to the end of my life than to the beginning.
Recently, I was thinking about my family life and came to the conclusion that it is very similar to the episode from Alice Through the Looking-Glass, where the white knight leads Alice through a dark forest. And Alice supports this stupid knight all the way so that he does not fall off his horse. The darkest time is yet to come. But whatever it is, I know that I will be full of gratitude that he helped me get through it all.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss Ned. She sounded like she was a beautiful person. Her husband is going to need you now more than ever. You are so important to all of us, and I thank you for your continued hard work and dedication. Please know that you make such a positive difference in the world!