Al Qaeda to go on Strike

Motoon #9

A British reader named Belfastboy sends this astonishing news story about unrest among would-be shahids in the UK:

Al Qaeda to go on strike

LONDON, 23 June — Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 20% this July from 72 to just 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers’ union (the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs, or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this action was unacceptable to its members, and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press,

Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth.

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained:

– – – – – – – –

We sympathize with our workers’ concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are refusing to accept the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditures and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages, but otherwise I’d hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle, Middlesbrough, Essex, and Australia stated that they would be unaffected, as there are no virgins in these areas anyway.

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings may be largely put down to the recent notoriety of the former White House correspondent, Helen Thomas. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.

Helen Thomas - 72 virgins

5 thoughts on “Al Qaeda to go on Strike

  1. The suicide bombers’ union (the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs, or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this action was unacceptable to its members, and immediately balloted for strike action.

    Disgruntled members of the British Union of Shaheed Tradesmen (B.U.S.T.) declined to participate in the strike and threatened to not only provide scab workers but carry out their own martyrdom operations against the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs.

    This sets the stage for a classic B.O.O.M.− B.U.S.T. cycle.

  2. I’m sorry. You’re all wrong. Your reader is obviously trying to misappropriate, to the benefit of his own country, an episode which happened within the French headquarters of Al-Qaeda.

    Doesn’t surprise me in the least, coming from those treacherous, slimy Anglo-Saxons.

    It’s an undisputed fact that we, the French, are the world leaders in all strike-relating matters.

    Where else can you find billionaires on strike ? May I remind you that we have the only soccer team which engaged in a bout of industrial action during the World Cup ?

    Your baseless claim is certainly motivated by the need to draw attention away from Cameron’s savage attacks against the rights of the working class.

    This pathetic attempt is fooling no one.

  3. Not that it is that improtant, but i cant get an answer to this question.

    femail murder bombers, do they get 72 (or now 60) virgins? if so, what sex.

    Local mulah didnt want to give me an answer when i called him. unless “fatwah” is a number?

  4. Whether as a joke or otherwise. Articles like this gives people wrong information on Muslims and what Islam is all about and makes us the laughing stock of the world.
    For many years jokes like these “appear” as humorous but are a strong weapon in spreading mischief and false messages to the public.

    There is no such thing in Islam as a suicide bomber receiving virgins in the afterlife. This fact has been spread by the media and others to show Islam as a ridiculous religion, and it holds no truth within the rules of Islam.

    A person in Islam who commits suicide is doomed to hell as stated by GOD in the Holy Quran. He is also buried outside the cemetery.

    Islam has stood for nothing but peace and is shown today as a religion of violence because of ignorance that is spread through stupid emails like this.

    We take our religion, its rules, its Holy Book, its Prophets (Prophets Moses and Jesus included Peace Be Upon Them) and all aspects very seriously.

    We are probably the only group out of a small number of groups in the world whose believers strictly adheres to its teachings.

    When it comes to women, Islam shows utmost respect to them, so much so that men and women are not even allowed to touch each other unless they are married. (Example, men shaking hands with women when meeting).

    This idea of killing oneself for the sake of women depicts virgin women as only being good enough for a person who has blown himself up and murdered others.

    If our religion seems funny, then rather use your efforts to read up and understand what Islam is all about.

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