The Caliph of Ice Cream

The Religious Policeman has a good post on the latest Islamic paranoia making its rounds through the blogosphere. You know, the Burger King caper in Britain, the one where BK tried to go under the radar and insult Islam by putting Arabic script on the covers of their pre-packaged ice creams. And not just any Arab script, mind you. These kaffir put “Allah” smack dab on the top where you couldn’t miss it, right where it could insult you as soon as you had the cone in your hand. Such would be your rage that your shaking hand would cause the ice cream to fall and you would be forced to buy another one. Do you not see the evil genius in this plot — first to insult you and second to rob you of your hard-earned dole money cash?

Paranoia strikes deep.Infidels are insidious. Their veiled threats against the coming Ummah never stop. It takes great vigilance to keep up with these attempts to undermine the obvious superiority of Islam compared to their whore-ridden, diseased and dissolute culture.

Fortunately, they are not being allowed to get away with this latest offense. Thanks to the keen observations of one Mr. Rashad Akhtar, a Burger King customer who spotted the sacrilege and called the company, BK has “shown great cultural sensitivity” and will have a new design drawn up. ASAP.

This is not enough for the intrepid Mr. Akhtar, however. He is demanding that the designer of the ice cream lid be fired and he wants Muslims to boycott Burger King. According to the Religious Policeman, this devout idiot believer says,

….”These people who have designed this think they can get away with this again and again. This is my jihad”.

Oh. Right. I scream, you scream, he jihads for ice cream.

This rampant paranoia regarding designs and logos is not new. In The Jihad That Refreshes we reported on the hallucinations surrounding the Coke logo. Notice that Coca Cola just rolled right on, oblivious to the brouhaha. But they don’t have to care, they’re the phone company superpower, mega Coke.

And Burger King? Have they finished crawling yet? Probably not. As the RP remarked,

     Sadly, Burger King have “shown great cultural sensitivity” or “crumpled under pressure”, depending how you look upon it.

If this idiocy were happening here we could perhaps institute an anti-boycott; from this distance, though, it’s hard to do more than ROTFL.

Or maybe buy some Burger King stock.

This post is dedicated to the Baron’s Boy, currently struggling to decipher the meaning, if any meaning there be, in The Emperor of Ice Cream with its “concupiscent curds” and the dawdling wenches in line four. Now wouldn’t that poem blow the sanctimonious lid off Mr. Akhtar’s dessert?

UPDATE: The manuscript of the actual poem has been found! Wallace Stevens was a late-comer, stealing from the Arabs.

The Caliph of Ice-Cream

by Walid al-Astifanis
Translated from the Arabic by Baron Bodissey

Call the killer of big kaffirs,
The crepuscular one, and bid him whip
In dungeon clasps recalcitrant Kurds.
Let the houris dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring bomb-belts inside their underpants.
Let Sheol be finale of scream.
The only caliph is the caliph of ice-cream.

Take from the dresser surreal,
Lacking the three front teeth, that burqa
On which she embroidered fatwas once
And spread it so as to cover her face.
If her horny feet protrude, they come
To show how cold she is, and dumb.
Let imams fulfill the scheme.
The only caliph is the caliph of ice-cream.

4 thoughts on “The Caliph of Ice Cream

  1. Thank you, gentlemen. It’s always better when the Baron and I can do a post together. It was probably the ghost of WS that allowed us to carry this one off.

    I hope he’s laughing — as I sure he is every year as those undergrads scratch their heads and try to decipher The Emperor.

    BTW, did you know his wife’s profile was used for the image on the silver dime?

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