For some inscrutable reason the gods of the emails don’t send many hate-filled epistles our way.
[NB to said deities: we’re fine with that. Keep them not coming.]
Obviously one came this evening or I wouldn’t be telling y’all about it. This might be a real scorcher, if only I could understand it.
I yelled up to the Baron: “Hey, look at message #148. What is that person saying about your post?” After reading it, and looking at the passage the writer chose to denigrate, he denied all responsibility. “This person has snipped out something about Costa Rican coffee. What do I know about Costa Rican coffee? That must be your post.”
So I trudged upstairs in order that we could both examine this strange missive. The Baron opened the linked post — from 2006, for heaven’s sake! — and searched for the passage. Both of us were busy denying any foreknowledge of Costa Rica’s coffee…and as it turned out, we were both right. The ranter didn’t even bother with the Baron’s deathless prose in that post, but picked on a commenter’s remarks. Sheesh.
Here’s the post: For the Sake of the Children
Below is the Flaming Scorn (as the writer described it in the subject line) dished out to us via email. Gentle Readers, would y’all be so kind as to decode what this person is saying, and then you could tell us what in heaven’s name they’re on about? We’ve read the words several times now and it still doesn’t make sense. Perhaps the level of dudgeon attained by “Ariel” is so high that he or she was suffering from some kind of oxygen deprivation. Or maybe it’s simply too subtle for the likes of us umm… I mean if we’re “Really sadly despairingly horribly sadistically delusional….” people. Oh, and “quite viciously self-righteously destructive cruel…” Well, obviously we’re also too dim to grasp the finer points in the email.
Sorry. I know I shouldn’t make fun, but since neither the Baron nor I have a clue as to what this person is ranting about, those of you who get around more, those who actually know about esoterica like Costa Rican coffee, could do us a real favor and explain . Any part of it you care to decode is fine by us if it can throw a bit of light into this murk.
At the very least our interlocutor is suffering from adjective addiction. Whoowhee, boy!
This is truly a blast from the past. The comment that “Ariel” found so offensive wasn’t in the body of the post. Instead, it was left by one of my favorite people, El Jefe Maximo, who used to read us years ago — this post is almost five years old after all. El Jefe lives in the big city as I recall, so of course he would know all about coffee. As for us bumpkins, we get our coffee from the local grocery chain. The cheapest brand there is a dark espresso from Mexico, probably stocked, along with other Mexican foods, for any Hispanic immigrants in the area.
The email follows and I’ll ask questions as we go along [in square brackets]…
From the blog site in response to your entry dated Saturday, September 30, 2006:
The peaceniks are products of a society that asks nothing of them, who drink their imported wine, drive their imported cars, drink their Costa Rican coffee, and on and on, with no conception of the political and financial costs of building and maintaining this world, who assume (despite doses of reality like 9/11) that we’re all really the same.
The cost of building and maintaining the world?????
You guys are delusional. Really sadly despairingly horribly sadistically delusional. And quite viciously self-righteously destructive cruel to anyone who didn’t make a big monetary contribution to the Geography of Israel shortly after 9/11. (Not that Dustin Hoffman is feeling especially secure after that big monetary donation.)
[So s/he grabs a paragraph from El Jefe’s comment and says…what? And what did Dustin Hoffman do? Did he somehow contribute to the “Geography of Israel” — is Israel bigger now than it was before 9/11? Did we miss this enlargement? Are the JOOOOS stealing land again?]
Is there a Muslim you don’t wish to inter and interrogate in a U.S. sponsored (and Constitutionally approved by the Supreme Court and below under John Roberts) relocation jail? (I realize that they are not full fledged camps.)
[Besides those fine Jihad warriors captured on the battlefield and now growing older in Gitmo because no country in the world wants them, what un-fully fledged camps are available? I thought even Holder gave up on that idea.]
You know what’s really funny about you guys? How you love to get Christians on your side so that you can say you can get along with Muslims but Christians are mentally unreachable. Billy Graham Evangelists has Christian sign pledges to Israel and you guys point out how Christians are idolaters or yokels with I.Q.s next to dirt. Exactly how did evolution create you guys superior?
[We said that about Christians? Was I out of the room during this conversation? Does this person know that the admin of this blog are practicing Christians…devout, even, in our own idolatrous way? Is there more than one Billy Graham? Above all, Gentle Reader, what does this mean:
How you love to get Christians on your side so that you can say you can get along with Muslims but Christians are mentally unreachable.
Please parse that sentence and tell me what “Ariel” is saying.
Now it begins to get prescriptive. Ariel has an idea about what should happen. This part I do understand, kind of:]
Israel should be evacuated; the “Temple Mount” should be bulldozed to the ground; and then the Messiah will come. Because idolatry is a sin. And you guys are the most idolatrous bunch the 2nd World War ever produced to prove your book of myths the one and only true way sardonically tolerant of all others under the Noahchide Laws which you guys’ atheists are exempt from because they still belong to the Bosom. For some reason Israel, the geography, forgot that Israel is rightly a people to be broadcast throughout the world the same as mustard seeds are for Christians.
[I take that back. I understand the first part of the first sentence. The rest is not written in any books I ever read. Evidently this person isn’t an anti-Semite as the Baron thought. S/he appears to be some kind of eschatological Christian who thinks that Israel is an obstruction to some end-time arrangement. Jews are gonna be “broadcast”, huh? If I were Jewish, I sure wouldn’t want to be shot from any cannon into, oh, Sweden or France or Spain. Doesn’t sound like they have a choice, though, at least not in this scenario. Who are the Bosoms? (Keep it clean, y’all).]
Exactly which world have you guys built and maintained? The one at a local funny farm? I bet that you are real white too. Do you think that Africa gives a fig about Israel? Hardly. Enjoy exploiting the next round of the Tribe of Dan. That one is especially worth a few photographs inside your Lilliputian borders.
[The Baron calls our little cottage “Eden”. Of course, some of our detractors have called it the funny farm, so maybe “Ariel” is on to something there. Yeah, we’re hideously white (though my freckles may count for something). And most of our neighbors are black; many of them would certify us as “crazy white folks”. So if we got ourselves designated as a local-type Bedlam, would we be eligible for federal funding?…Okay, I’ll bite: does anyone understand the reference to the Tribe of Dan?]
With true consideration,
Well, ol’ Ariel might have sincerely, truly, and sadly considered us, but s/he sure didn’t pay attention to the difference between the person who wrote the post and the person who commented. Nor did s/he pay any attention at all to the subject matter. Maybe we can get this strange person to go bother El Jefe? After all, it was some key word in his comment that seems to have started this flaming logorrhea. Costa Rican coffee…who’da thunk…?
Send in the extinguishers somebody. The rest of y’all, the ones who have stayed through to the end, please tell us what the heck is going on here…