A Venerable Joke for a Blue Monday

As some readers have written to me to say things are definitely getting too heavy around here, I thought perhaps a bit of levity was in order. Normally this kind of post would be on my other blog, Neighborhood of God. However, I’ve been saving one back for just such an occasion. So…this post is for those who say that reading Gates of Vienna, Brussels Journal and Jihad Watch leaves them feeling less than optimistic about the future.

I have no doubt that this latest foe of ours will eventually find itself being ground by the mills of history, just all the others have before them. The Enemy appears in different guises – in fact, he was a regular Hallowe’en party all by himself in the 20th century – but the mission is always the same: to kill the heart’s desire for liberty, and the head’s desire to understand. Galileo, for one, showed us that Truth cannot be silenced no matter how powerful our adversary is, and no matter how righteous he believes himself to be.

On the other hand, the readers who emailed me do have a point: sometimes you need to think on something else.

In that spirit, I offer a joke I stole from Mostly Cajun, a dear soul who gave me a recipe for brown roux made in the microwave. For those readers who know what a chore making brown roux can be, you realize what a great discovery this is. For those who don’t know…ah, well. brown roux is not everyone’s idea of heaven. Just some of us….

Enjoy the story. This here particular fight is as old as heterosexuality…or perhaps I should label it dimorphism for the biology majors.

Creation of man

Eve chats with God. “Lord, I have a problem.”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“And why is that Eve?”

“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“Man? What is that Lord?”

“A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But he’ll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and hitting a ball about. He won’t be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great,” says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, “but what’s the catch Lord?”

“Well …you can have him on one condition.”

“And what’s that Lord?”

“As I said he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring…..so you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret… you know, woman to woman.”

Creation of woman

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, ‘Lord, I have a problem.’

‘What’s the problem, Adam?’, God replies…
– – – – – – – –
‘Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I’m just not happy’

‘Why is that, Adam?’, comes the reply from the heavens.

‘Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely.’

‘Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a ‘woman’ for you.’

‘What’s a ‘woman’, Lord?’

‘This ‘woman’ will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.’, replies the heavenly voice.

‘Sounds great.’

‘She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam.’

‘How much will this ‘woman’ cost me Lord?’, Adam replies.

‘She’ll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle.’

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, ‘Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?’

The rest, as they say, is history.

8 thoughts on “A Venerable Joke for a Blue Monday

  1. Cool! VERY funny! Thanks for the laugh.

    🙂 🙂

    absurd thought –
    God of the Universe says
    don’t make religious jokes

  2. Huh. So according to the female version men are pigs and according to the male version it’s men’s fault women aren’t perfect because we’re so selfish.

    Didn’t expect something so anti-male from you, Dymphna.

  3. ummm…I don’t see it as anti-male, anthony. The woman in this joke doesn’t come off as very virtuous, does she? And the god she talks to is no great shakes, either.

    I got this joke from a Cajun who simply likes to laugh. That’s all I meant by it, too.

    In real life, I usually prefer to talk to men. Except for a few women I’m fond of, the men are more direct, and you know where you stand with them.

    Nope…I’m lots of things, but anti-male isn’t one.

  4. I’ve never know a man to complain about a sexist joke before. That’s a woman’s job.
    Truman Capote, who certainly covered both sexes, said it best: I don’t care what you say about me as long as it isn’t true.

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