I went to my local General District Court this morning prepared to testify as a character witness on behalf of a friend and neighbor who was assaulted by one of his relatives. I had to be there at 10:00am, but what with one thing or another — mostly innumerable traffic offenses — my neighbor’s case didn’t get heard till the afternoon, so I ended up spending most of the day there.

My neighbor’s assailant was convicted, so justice was seen to be done. The point of this post, however, is a couple of ancillary incidents that I found interesting.

When I was young my father told me that I should always wear a coat and tie when I went to court, even if it was just to be a witness or for jury duty. So I did. I looked like a sober middle-class citizen, except for the heavy boots I was forced to wear because of the sheets of ice outside.

When I entered the courthouse foyer I had to go through the checkpoint, which nowadays involves a metal detector, a briefcase check, and Covid screening. I watched the guy in front of me sign the register, have his temperature taken, and get metal-detected, after which the guard handed him a mask. So I thought, “Oh, [expletive redacted] — I’m going to have to wear a mask.” I absolutely HATE masks.

I filled out the register, had my forehead zapped with the no-touch thermometer, and cleared the metal detector. But no mask was handed to me — wonderful! I didn’t mention the oversight, and just slipped around the corner to the benches in the hall where everyone was waiting.

I found my neighbor and greeted him. He said, “Where’s your mask?” I replied, “They didn’t give me one.” Behind me, on another bench, a stranger said, “That’s because you’re an attorney.” I said, “No, I’m not an attorney!”

The guard at the desk must have overheard us, because I turned around to see her behind me, holding out a mask, as if she had forgotten it earlier. So I had to wear the [vulgar intensifier] thing after all for the five hours I was there.

From that exchange, I inferred that attorneys are exempt from the mask rule. Which must be nice. However, as a matter of interest, all the lawyers I saw were wearing masks, except for the Commonwealth Attorney and the defense counsel, who took them off when speaking to the court.

As it turned out, the assumption that I was a lawyer wasn’t a one-time anomaly. I heard it twice more during the course of the day under different circumstances. I had a coat and tie on, so I must be a lawyer. And, for a fact, I was the only one in the courtroom besides the lawyers who was dressed that way. The defendants in particular seemed to have chosen the most slovenly and appalling clothes to come to court in.

I’m not sure, but I don’t think conditions were the same fifty years ago, when I first learned my court-appearance protocol. Surely there were some non-attorneys back then who came court dressed properly? As if they respected themselves, and wanted to be respected?

Or maybe not. Maybe my memory is faulty. Maybe I’m a throwback to another time, in a galaxy far, far away…