I urge you to maintain proper social distancing at your Thanksgiving dinner.
Greet each other from a distance using hand signals or semaphore, with no personal contact.
Sit at least six feet apart from each other.
No passing food back and forth — the meal should be served in previously prepared portions sealed in individual plastic containers or pouches that have been sanitized before distribution.
Wear your masks between bites.
There should be no conversation during the meal. Instead, people may send text messages to each other via hand-held devices.
Singing, humming, whistling, and non-silent prayers should be completely avoided.
Enjoy yourself, and have a SAFE Thanksgiving!
When I sent the future Baron these guidelines for a COVID-compliant Thanksgiving, he replied: “The sad thing is, this doesn’t sound like satire.”
I wrote back:
No, it’s not really. I just took the requirements from the diocesan “guidelines” for safe worship, and adapted them. And threw in a little sarcasm.
The latest innovation from the Episcopal Diocese of Southern Virginia is the fortuitous invention of the “singing mask”. Choral singing is allowed if the singers wear the singing mask. The congregation can’t sing, but a limited subset of the choir can (I forget how many, maybe ten or fewer). The singers must be spaced at least six feet from each other, and at least twenty feet from their audience.
And no, I’m not making this up.