Below is JLH’s latest topical pastiche in verse form.
A Looter’s Life for Me
With apologies to Pinocchio and other blockheads
A looter’s life for me.
A full face mask and a baseball bat;
I’ll show those $%&!*#s where I’m at.
Anonymous funding for me.
Bashing elders is lots of fun;
If they don’t fall down, away I run.
Breaking windows done with care
So none of the glass gets in my hair.
It’s so much better than going to war.
It’s not some principle we’re fighting for,
But just the fun of being rash,
And maybe looting some extra cash.
The basement is my home.
When I get the call to go destroy,
It is a moment of utter joy.
I leave the game of killing orcs,
And join my fellow mayhem dorks.
We maim and destroy and sometimes kill—
Slaughtering folks is such a thrill.
We’re avenging angels for some rich guy
Who hates everything that he can’t buy.
Hey diddle dee dum,
That’s where progress comes from.