One More Midnight Ride

by JLH, with apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Listen, people, and you shall hear
Of the coming of sickness and pain and fear.
By the 18th of April in 2020,
Folks who realize now are plenty:
How Communism as politely as you might wish
Served the world a plague on a petri dish.

It came by air, by land, by sea.
It breathed its ill on you and me.
A friendly hello and a warm embrace,
And millions were sick at a dizzying pace.
“Herd immunity” pray, what is that?
We’ll all find out in nothing flat.

“Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.”
No thanks, I’ll just stay home and get high.
In Italy, they’re singing; in Buffalo, they dance.
But six feet away and taking no chance.
Music reaches further than germs on the air.
If you have a tin ear, who said Life is fair?

The world is in lockdown, so it’s perfectly clear —
Let the prisoners out, they’ve nothing to fear.
If MS-13 should break in your door,
Just blow them away, that’s what guns are for.
Hoard toilet paper — more than enough,
So you can decorate your neighbor’s tree with the stuff.

Don’t breathe on your children; just wave as they pass.
Monopoly at six feet is a pain in the posterior.
“Meals cafeteria style—it just isn’t fair!
From six feet away, I can’t pull Sis’s hair!
“Mom! Tommy blew all his germs right at me!”
“From six feet away?” “He’s fanning them — see?’

Time to go shopping. Let’s put on face masks,
And nylon gloves for manual tasks.
Let’s all stay together — but not too close.
Six feet! When you pass someone hold your nose.
Fifteen person limit in the whole big store!
Our grouchy neighbor just went home and swore.

Got an Rx to fill? Good luck with that!
At least standing in line doesn’t make you fat.
Six people in line at six feet apart.
At least it’s better if someone should… y’know.
Let’s go for a walk, like a long line of ducks.
Drivers in a hurry are just plain out of luck.

Well, as they say: This too shall pass.
The end of June wouldn’t be too fast.
In the meantime, online are many things to be done.
Character assassination is only one.
And if you’re feeling really forlorn.
The Net is richer than ever in porn.

So do not despair, if worse comes to worst,
We’ll clean it all up with a nuclear burst.
And just to make sure we’ve got it all,
There’s nowhere the a-bombs will not fall.
Thanks to the commies and jihadis also
“We will all go together when we go.”