The following video presents the promises, pronouncements, and pontifications of German politicians as if they were part of a computer game.
Many thanks to MissPiggy for the translation, and to Vlad Tepes for the subtitling:
Video transcript:
00:04 | Phrase Thresher II — CDU edition | |
00:17 | Loading… | |
00:22 | Here you see Angela Merkel beginning her third term as German Chancellor. | |
00:26 | It is 6 minutes past 12 when she takes her oath of office with Parliamentary President | |
00:30 | Norbert Lammert. “I swear that I will dedicate my efforts to the well-being of | |
00:37 | the German people (+125 Foundation stone laid) promote their welfare, (+125 Phrase) | |
00:41 | protect them from harm, (+125 Irony Bonus) uphold and defend the Basic Law and the | |
00:45 | Laws of the Federation, (+1000 Audacity Bonus) (+25 Contradictory) | |
00:49 | perform my duties conscientiously (+125 Phrase) —Nah! —and bring justice to all. | |
00:53 | You aren’t allowed to lie! —So help me God. —You’re not allow to say that! | |
00:57 | (Success Unlocked 100P — False promises. —And there is applause in the Bundestag, | |
01:00 | even from the new coalition partners. | |
01:03 | Could you send your own children on foreign missions? —If my own children | |
01:07 | wanted to join the military, and if a foreign deployment were necessary, then I would have to let | |
01:11 | them go. I would be just a nervous and worried (+100 Emotionalising), | |
01:15 | as every other mother. —Is one of your children in the military? —No. | |
01:19 | (+200 Maximum Hypocrisy) 4X (+100 Gotcha!) | |
01:23 | With me, there won’t be any tolls for private cars. (+25 campaign promise) | |
01:27 | Dorbrindt foresees tolls for private cars starting after the 2017 election. — In the | |
01:31 | debate over the tolls for private cars, there’s a surprise ending. The federal travel | |
01:35 | ministry and the EU have agreed it can be implemented after all. | |
01:39 | (+1000 Fooled) The department Chief Alexander Dorbrindt predicts an | |
01:43 | agreement in November. At the CSU party convention on Friday, Dorbrindt said the | |
01:47 | starting date for private car tolls would be during the next election period. | |
01:52 | Knockout! | |
01:55 | Loading… Certainly we learned in the last century that the seductive power of the media should not | |
02:04 | be given unrestricted space. (-150 Fake News) Now computers and the internet are | |
02:15 | opening up completely new information controls, (+750 Freudian Slip) channels | |
02:21 | which go beyond country borders. “Completely new information controls” | |
02:29 | Like the NetzDG Censorship from Heiko Maas SPD channels beyond country borders. | |
02:34 | Loading… Would you give up on the EU when you realised you could not convince the German | |
02:42 | people of this United States of Europe idea? —No, not at all. (+2000 Dictator Bonus) | |
02:47 | Knockout! Success Unlocked 666P — My Will Be Done! | |
02:50 | Loading… CDU General Secretary Peter Tauber is accused of insulting critics | |
02:58 | of the Chancellor’s refugee policy within the party. Specifically, it is alleged that during a | |
03:02 | (+250 Insults) discussion among party friends he said: “Anyone here who is not | |
03:06 | for Angela Merkel is an a*****e and can go.”(+400 Arrogance +400 Chauvinist) | |
03:10 | (+400 Ignorant) This happened last November at the CDU2017 network meeting. | |
03:14 | Several participants confirmed to Die Welt what Tauber said. | |
03:18 | Loading… (+450 There should be only the one world government) | |
03:26 | (+525 Destroy sense of identity) | |
03:32 | Loading… CDU General Secretary Peter Tauber made himself a target of fierce criticism with a | |
03:37 | statement to mini-jobbers on Twitter. This followed a discussion about the joint | |
03:41 | CDU/CSU election program which promises “full employment” by 2025. “Does that mean | |
03:48 | Three mini-jobs for me?” Asked a Twitter user on Monday night. Tauber answered promptly | |
03:52 | “If you’ve learned something decent, then you do not need three mini-jobs.” | |
04:00 | (+125 Maximum Reality Detachment) (+125 Maximum Arrogance) | |
04:04 | Mini-jobbers felt personally attacked and the political competition quickly picked up | |
04:08 | the topic as well. Tauber held his position and even posted another tweet to boot. | |
04:12 | Fact: Only with a good education can one earn enough not to need three mini-jobs to | |
04:16 | make ends meet! (+125 Detached From Reality) The responses didn’t take long! | |
04:23 | Loading… I don’t think we can appreciate enough how important it is, that people who come to us, | |
04:32 | it’s not masses or groups of anonymous number (+850 Absurdity Bonus) | |
04:35 | (+550 Insulting Voter Intelligence) (+900 Reality Denial) | |
04:38 | (+850 Absurdity Bonus) Individuals are coming to us. —According to authorities the | |
04:42 | refugees are arriving from the sub-Saharan part of Africa. —How important it is… it’s not | |
04:46 | masses or groups of anonymous numbers coming to us, but individuals 3X repeated. | |
04:50 | “Nearly two million migrants in 2015” | |
04:54 | (Success Unlocked 150P — Reality, What’s that?) In 2015… the net migration, | |
04:58 | the difference between arrivals and departures was approximately 114 million. (Welt) | |
05:02 | (2016) 305,000 new asylum seekers / 723,000 asylum applications (Welt) | |
05:06 | Not an anonymous number, but individuals are coming to us. | |
05:09 | Knockout! Loading… | |
05:14 | Mr. Altmaier your statement, when repeated, sound a little like “carry on”. | |
05:21 | Yesterday, for the first time, a right-wing party has overtaken the CDU in the polls. | |
05:27 | Can we allow a “carry on” attitude? —Well, those are two different questions. | |
05:33 | (+125 Redefine Question) (+125 Distract From Own Failure) The first question is if we | |
05:37 | can manage to absorb the refugees and then to integrate them in such a way that | |
05:41 | they may contribute to society and give something back. And the second question | |
05:47 | is about trust in the political system and about the people in the democratic parties. | |
05:54 | I openly admit, the election results shocked me (+125 Emotionalising) | |
05:59 | and made me reflect, because when you join AfD and the NPD | |
06:03 | (+250 Defame Competitors) (+250 Nazi bludgeon) (+125 Voters are Nazis) | |
06:07 | That’s 25% in Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania. — It is better to vote for AfD than | |
06:11 | not voting? — NO. — A non-voter is better than an AfD Voter? — But of course! | |
06:15 | (+250 Degrade AfD Voters) (+200 Baseless Allegations) (+200 Stigmatization) The AfD | |
06:19 | causes division in our country by exploiting the concerns and fear of the public. (+200 | |
06:23 | Pure Polemic) (+200 No Concrete Examples) I urge everyone to vote, but to | |
06:27 | vote for parties… —Everything but the AfD. —…parties that have allegiance to the state. | |
06:31 | (+200 Denounce Competitors) I can’t see any sense in voting for the AfD or the Left | |
06:35 | for that matter. The Left don’t support the stability of our political system. | |
06:39 | (+100 Always Stay Unspecific) Loading… | |
06:42 | With the Young Christian Democrats, Angela Merkel sounds especially fierce. | |
06:46 | That generates support. The integration debate comes just at the right time. | |
06:50 | Of course, the approach of saying let’s make everything multi-culti, all live together and | |
06:57 | everyone’s happy — This approach has failed! Absolutely failed! | |
07:01 | Former Federal President Christian Wolff said Islam belongs to Germany, and that’s | |
07:07 | correct. I agree and we will do everything possible to make integration a success. | |
07:16 | It’s not acceptable that twice as many of you have no school diplomas, | |
07:20 | (Success Unlocked 900P — Opportunist) It’s not acceptable that twice as many of you | |
07:24 | have no professional degrees. This creates the political problems of the future. | |
07:28 | (Success Unlocked 500P — AfD said that!) That’s why integration is so important. | |
07:32 | Above all it means those who want to take part in this society not only have to obey | |
07:36 | our laws, recognise our constitution, but also must learn our language. | |
07:42 | Horst Seehofer’s version is less diplomatic: “Germany shouldn’t become the welfare | |
07:46 | office for the entire world. The CSU Chief said: “Whoever wants to live here needs | |
07:50 | to show more desire to integrate and a willingness to perform. As to which value | |
07:54 | system should be followed, no questions about it! — We, as the Union, represent the | |
07:58 | “German guiding culture” and not Multiculturalism. (Success Unlocked 50P | |
08:02 | — Greetings to the AfD) Multi-Culti is dead! | |
08:06 | Knockout! Loading… | |
08:09 | Certain groups are saying, “We are the people” (+125 Like A Dictator) | |
08:15 | And the rest aren’t. (+100 Ignore Critics) | |
08:19 | When I was in the DDR, at that time, I wasn’t happy (+225 Respect My Authority) | |
08:23 | that the people had something to say (+1200 Democracy is for wimps) after so | |
08:27 | many decades of being unable to speak. And that’s why, I think we need, of course | |
08:31 | we always need new answers in new situations, but the principles endure. | |
08:35 | AGAIN — Pay close attention. She wasn’t happy, that the people had something to say?! | |
08:51 | Loading… What we need to heal, what we need to improve, where we need to engage in new | |
08:56 | discussions is with our individual population. The elite aren’t the problem. The population | |
09:03 | (+999 Obey Subjects!) are the problem at the moment. Replay. | |
09:07 | The individual populations are the problem. The elites aren’t the problem. | |
09:11 | The populations are the problem at the moment. | |
09:14 | Loading… The motive with which we tackle these issues should be we have done so much | |
09:20 | S*** f*** the Germans — We can do it! — S***! I f** the Germans really hard. | |
09:25 | We can do it! | |
09:30 | When something is in the way… | |
09:34 | We can do it! | |
09:37 | We can do it! | |
09:44 | We can do it! — First to enter Germany! — We can do it! | |
09:48 | Mesut Ozil is an a*****e! That’s no original Turk! | |
09:52 | We can do it! — I f*** German women. | |
09:56 | Rummelsdorf! Turkish DNA! | |
09:59 | We can do it! | |
10:06 | We can do it! | |
10:19 | We can do it! | |
10:32 | We can do it! | |
10:44 | We can do it! | |
11:10 | We can do it! | |
11:15 | A Review — Terror Attacks in Europe | |
11:19 | London, Paris, Brussels, Berlin and now Manchester? | |
11:33 | One can never expect that what was promised before the election will actually be valid after | |
11:37 | the election. We need to anticipate that in certain ways there is repetition. | |
11:43 | (Success Unlocked 666P — We Can Do It!) | |
11:48 | GAME OVER! | |
11:52 | You have the choice. |
Is the title supposed to be “gets OWNED”?
No, but the word is based on that mistake. It’s a gamers’ term. Way back in the 1990s, a gamer made a typo when referring to a player who got “owned”, and typed “pwned”. The word then became popular and was used deliberately.
Being a geezer, I never would have known about this, but my son explained it to me back when he was in high school.
04.58: “The difference between arrivals and departures was approximately 114 million” Really? That’s about 32 million more than the current German population. What a good thing this woman isn’t, say, running a country. She is? Oh, [fecal matter]!
the number is 1.14 million. It is a satirical collage, so not easy to follow.