Sources: Trump Converting to Judaism

According to The Washington Post, President Donald Trump has decided to become a Jew:

Sources in the White House say that President Trump has begun the process of converting to Judaism.

“He’s always admired the Jews,” said the source, “but this is basically a business decision — he’s backing a winner. ‘Those Israelis are smart guys,’ he told me yesterday. ‘They really know how to build a wall.’ Besides, he’s been monitoring the work of his son-in-law for years, and likes what he sees.”

Some analysts see in Mr. Trump’s alleged conversion the work of the Russians. According to sources close to the CIA and the FBI, Mr. Trump’s contacts with Jewish religious authorities were facilitated by a Russian rabbi named Shlomo Rabinovich, who reportedly acts as an agent for the FSB, the successor intelligence service to the KGB. Rabbi Rabinovich runs a borscht restaurant in Borisoglebsk, but intelligence insiders say that his putative business is simply a front operation for money-laundering, gun-running, and cigarette smuggling. At the request of President Vladimir Putin, the rabbi is said to have approached Mr. Trump’s inner circle of advisors during the transition and arranged for a series of Talmud lessons for the President-elect. Donald Trump has always characterized himself as a quick learner, and his studies are now almost complete.

“You can expect an announcement from the president sometime next week,” said our White House source.

When asked about the rumors by reporters, President Trump brushed off their questions, saying: “You boys must have been hitting the Manischewitz again.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi disparaged the alleged conversion. “This is fake Jews,” she told CNN. “You can’t get any faker than Donald Trump. And, believe me, as an Italian-American grandmother, I know what a real Jew looks like!”

33 thoughts on “Sources: Trump Converting to Judaism

    • Inasmuch as there is no link provided and a check of the Post’s homepage showed no indication of such, I’d say you’re correct.

  1. Hey, April 1st isn’t until midnight PDT, but it is already the 1st where you are. I wish I had a Trump card to play on your gag.

  2. until I got to Shlomo Rabinovich, the hook was nearly set and I was beginning to think “My President, a Mensch!”

  3. There is an old German Yiddish jocular self-deprecating tradition, one of which jokes goeth thusly (Trumply uses ‘bigly’ because he speaketh grammatically correctly): Cohen and his friend meet in a coffeehouse and Cohen intimates to his friend: “I’m going to become a Catholic”. His friend, taken aback: “But why Catholicism?” All our friends choose to become Protestant!” [That was the time of Jewish assimilation in the nineteenth century which only Hitler ended effectively actually – reform Judaism and atheism as well as converting ran rampant back then among the emancipated Jews – something the Zionists disdn’t like much.] Cohen: “Yes, I’ll do that afterwards. That way when I’m asked what religion I belonged to before I can always say ‘Catholic'”. So maybe Trump really wants to become Muslim in the long run? That way he could visit a lot of states in the Middle East he would otherwise be barred from.

  4. And the Greek government is overthrown by patriots and all the members of the parliament were executed in Goudi(it was an execution ground),first of them all,the Prime minister and the minister of finance.

    Unfortunately it is an April fool’s day!

    But who knows?The dreams will get their revenge.

    • So french of whom, Vinny?

      Are you implying there’s a hidden anti-Semitism in a joke meant to display what a mensch we have in the Oval Office? One doesn’t have to be Jewish to be a mensch, though there’s probably a higher proportion of them among Jews since it’s a valued trait: compassionate and tough. What every parent wants their child to be…

  5. And according to the Huffington Post today there will be a Trump Tower in London.

    • Yes, it will be known as the Trump Tower of London, with better accommodations than the ‘other’ Tower of London

  6. Phew! For a moment there, I feared The Donald would have become a follower of the prophet (may menstruation blood be showered upon him in royal quantities).

  7. no april joke at all: DT was seen at a Crown Height realtor looking for a modest brownstone and shortly after at a mens outfitter ,where he ordered a streimel, with white mink at that.
    As for the treatement of his most private parts, this is ajourned till after sukhot. And he charged Andrew Lloyd Webber with the composition of: Donaldovitch, the yeshivah Pres.

  8. I can’t believe I was actually taken by an April Fool’s joke in 2017. Well done! With Trump anything is possible.

  9. Boy, are you guys gullible! I bet if someone suggested the former President and CIA Chief Brennon were Muslim Sheiks, you’d fall for that one too.

  10. Trump visits Italy with his yacht and he invites the Pope and the media for a little cruising around the area. Strong wind comes and blows the Pope’s hat into the water. Before the Captain could turn around and let an emergency boat down to fish out the hat from the water, Trump jumps over the board, walks over on the water, picks up the hat and walks back to the ship. The Pope and all the other high ranking priests are kneeling down and praying as they seeing a miracle. The Mainstream Media representatives are scratching their heads, how to report this?
    Next day headlines in the New York Times and CNN and all the other MSM:


    • If Trump were to win a two-man distance race, the press would report that he’d finished next to last.

  11. Oh man, I am too tired for April Fool’s Day! I’ve had terrible insomnia for days now, so my brain isn’t working very well. I keep seeing April Fool’s pranks and thinking, “Really?!” before I remember what day it is. Then I immediately forget what day it is again and get momentarily snookered by the next prank! XD

  12. Hey Baron! You only have 30 minutes left for one last April fool’s gag. What will it be?

    • Justin “Baby Doc” Trudeau is prime minister of Canada. How’s that?

      If that doesn’t make you gag, nothing will.

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