German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schäuble has proposed a solution to the problems currently roiling Germany due to the mass influx of millions of “Syrian” “refugees”: Create a German Islam.
What a brilliant idea! Now, why didn’t I think of that?
Below is a sardonic op-ed about Mr. Schäuble’s “Eureka” moment. K. from Germany, who translated the piece for Gates of Vienna, includes this explanatory note:
I chose to replace the “faithful Eckart” with Sancho Panza because I thought the figure is more familiar to the Anglosphere, although the latter implies something about his master which is not there in the original. It just felt so fitting, but maybe a translator shouldn’t do that. The faithful Eckart is simply a loyal knave.
The translated article from Die Achse des Guten (“The Axis of Good”):
World Peace through the Germanisation of Islam
by Thomas Rietzschel
Until now, Islam was a safe haven. Invented by Mohammed, it has remained over 1,300 years what it was supposed to be in the first place: the religiously gilded ideology of a warlord and conqueror. Although the Quran’s interpretations later varied and different lines oppose each other so intransigently that their adherents crush each other’s skulls and present each other with bombs, Islam as a political concept of exercising power over the mind has survived the course of history unscathed.
Far away from Europe, Muslims could let the humanistic movement of the 15th and 16th century pass them by as well as the subsequent Enlightenment. In any case, Islam was spared the challenges of secularisation. With the pure doctrine in their heads, its adherents continue to move to Europe even today. The thought that this could change, that the next thousand years can’t go on like the previous thousand years, would never have occurred to us.
Mohammed has found his master
But now we know, even Mohammed has found his master: Wolfgang Schäuble. In yesterday’s edition [October 2] of “Welt am Sonntag”, the Federal Minister of Finance let the cat out of the bag. On the agenda, he wrote in a guest comment, was “the development of a German Islam”. Tasked with that is the “Deutsche Islam Konferenz (DIK)” [tr. German Islam Conference], which was brought into being by himself. The Muslims will be all-out full of happiness over these glad tidings. Wolfgang Schäuble as the Reformer of Islam — what better event could ever happen to the believers? Morning after morning they will now hasten to the mosque to see if the Minister has nailed his thesis to the door overnight.
To some it may be like scales falling from their eyes. Why hadn’t they thought of it right away? Every sheikh knows that Germans build the best cars and tanks which raise the desert sand properly. So why shouldn’t they succeed in secularising Islam? Who if not they should accomplish such a feat? And who else but the little Lucifer from Swabia could think that up?
The pacification of the world through the Germanisation of Islam — this would dwarf everything else we have failed in before. With this plan, Wolfgang Schäuble even outdoes Christian Wulff, who once tried to cause a sensation with the crackpot idea that Islam would “belong to Germany”. But unlike the fallen Federal President, Angela Merkel’s faithful Sancho Panza is not driven by pure vanity. The man is simply scared s***less. After all, he isn’t stupid. Despite sometimes having difficulties with calculating, he can well interpret the numbers in the latest election results.
He knows that the mood across the country is tipping over, that the citizens fear that with the mass resettling of Arab Muslims, an ideology could take hold which would throw us back by a thousand years. This in itself wouldn’t rob the crafty politician of his sleep. But the consequence of the voters’ turning away from him and his ilk, from all those who want to sell us the threat to internal security by provoked immigration as “cultural enrichment”, this voter migration seems to have utterly robbed him of his senses.
Schäuble between a rock and a hard place
To stop this trend, Wolfgang Schäuble now proclaims the squaring of the circle when he wants to make us believe that Islam would let itself be reformed the Germanic way after a thousand years of history. Instead of advising the necessary — namely the supervision of Muslim communities and associations as influential organisations of an Islamic movement striving to establish its political power worldwide — the Minister undertakes the attempt to induce a foul quietude by proclaiming a “German Islam”.
On the one hand, Muslims are supposed to continue to hope to get into the political act here somehow also, as Muslims, which would already be incompatible with the constitution, in that religion — for which they pass off their ideology — is purely a private affair. And on the other hand, we are supposed to trust the Islam Conference to successfully give the Muslims extra tuition in enlightenment. One promise is worth as little or as much as the other.
Only one thing is for sure, that Wolfgang Schäuble now sits where it is loneliest, which is right in the middle. His idea of a “German Islam” is a contradictio in adjecto. Somewhat more simply, one could also say: A big pile of nonsense.