And Now: The Burqiski!

A devout Muslima wears a burka for everyday activities and a burkini for swimming, but what does she wear when skiing? Regular ski outfits aren’t all that revealing, but still… sometimes a woman’s hair is visible (gasp!), and what about the spandex parts? Someone might see her shape, and then she would risk an “honor killing”.

Riposte Laïque has the answer: the burqiski.

Many thanks to Ava Lon for the translation:

Dear Sisters,

You have more than two months to take advantage of our promotions of the model “burqiski”, an absolute must in anticipation of the upcoming winter holidays.

Beware: there won’t be enough for everyone! The risk of shortage is expected, given the sudden popularity of this type of pioneering outfit, and its requirement by the Muslim Brothers of Al-Azhar mosque in Cairo (also known as the Psych Ward), it would be unfortunate if your modesty were no longer preserved and your imam / husband / brother / uncle / guardian / neighbor were to deny you access to the sport that, although invented by unbelievers, soon will be certified halal, by the grace of Allah!

Know that the Council of State (peace be upon him) has authorized the burqiski on green and blue runs. However, on the red and black runs caution is recommended, and such attire should be avoided, because of wind resistance, especially if it arrives laterally.

Indeed, during preliminary tests, due to strong easterly winds, there were deplorably some unexpected skirmishes of burqiskis with skieresses inside them against the many pine trees bordering the tracks. These regrettable incidents repeatedly required intervention by Megeve firefighters to get the unfortunate sisters stuck in sap and against soft wood, their skis dangling, while their panicked screams mournfully echoed in the mountains … “Allaaaahu akhbaaar! Allaaaahu akhbaaar!” Terrible.

The first prototype model babouchki tested here by your sister Khouloud

The manufacturer does not guarantee full satisfaction in case of the misuse of its products, dear sisters, so do use common sense by putting your burqiski on after shoeing your skis, and not before, or you may attach your ski outfit to your skiing shoes.

Note that for the sisters who prefer the comfort of their slippers to the classic ski boot, we also market a suitable model: the “babouchki” a sort of rising slipper made of Moroccan sheep leather with small hooks on the side, whose persistent smell will pleasantly remind you the souks.

In addition: also be careful not to ski with sticks inside your burqiski, which could complicate your practice. This seems obvious, but some sisters in tears told us about their difficulty in planting the stick through the fabric, one of them having even inadvertently planted hers in the foot through her babouchki …

We can never stress enough the importance of reading the safety instructions for your equipment, duly verified by the imam of the mosque of Evry — by the way, a longtime friend of our Prime Minister (peace be upon him).

But these few incidents, so small in relation to the pleasure you will experience this winter while invading all the ski slopes of France, should not discourage you from participating in the “living together” with your modest burqiski, for the glorification of Sharia, Inshallah!

Caroline Alamachère

11 thoughts on “And Now: The Burqiski!

  1. Honestly is there no end to their idiocy? If it were not so serious it would be funny!

  2. and there is another good side to it: thousands of new jobs in the resorts for female staff of sportshops and for construction workers who will have to build dry walls to keep away views of miscreant customers.
    Also, much more female medical staff will be needed in the local bonebreak clinics. No muslim female may be touched by a male doctor.
    But let us be fair: there is hardly any danger of seeing muslim skiers,be they male or female( I ski over 50 years now and I never saw any, let alone in a mountaintop restaurant in St. Moritz, non – halal foie gras, non halal caviar, can truffels be halal at all if digged by PIGS?), because it takes effort and pain to be an accomplished skier, which is something muslims never reach.

  3. No chance of getting hit by a Snow plough Then. ..a good safety feature in This case ???

  4. are they even allowed to ski? I think not. . . they are to stay inside the casbah and be ready for whomever wants them. . . or wants to know them (in the biblical way).

    It must be HELL to be born into that rotten religion.

  5. If you’re a woman, that is. All sunshine and grapes for the men of that religion. Talk about legalized rape. . . but let’s not. If I had the power, I’d stamp it all out.

  6. I know this is satire, but ugh, let’s not do anything to encourage this trend.

    The French Alps are one of the few remaining areas in the country where you can spend a week without seeing any invaders at all!

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