Unless you’re familiar with American politics, the whole of this may not be comprehensible. Who outside the U.S., for example, is aware of that excrescence, Geraldo Rivera? I hope not many have had to endure him. For an example of “you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up” here’s Geraldo’s defense of Planned Parenthood’s harvesting and marketing of fetal/baby parts. No, it’s not satire.
The People’s Cube, on the other hand, does wonderful satire. They are pluperfectly superb in this genre, as well they ought to be: Comrade site-owner is a real, genu-wine escapee from that unwilling Russian slave state, Ukraine.
Did I say this was satire? Oh, good. Because it is, you know. Satire, I mean. Kilroy’s essay, “Democrats Unleash Perfect Presidential Candidate”, is only understandable if you know who Geraldo is:
In the wake of embarrassing missteps by Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Martin O’Malley on the campaign trail, the Democratic National Committee today announced that it has successfully recruited the perfect candidate, one that can both mobilize the entire Democratic Party base and destroy any Republican that dares challenge.
The newcomer to the race, 42-year-old Geralda Hernandez-Brown, was discovered in Atlanta by DNC operatives. Born to undocumented immigrant Maria Hernandez, and Theo “Pookie” Brown, whose ancestors once slaved in the cotton and tobacco fields of Georgia and the Carolinas, Gerald Hernandez-Brown underwent a sex change operation in 2005, and now considers xyrself gender-fluid.
“Xhe’s ideal in every way,” said DNC spokesman Christina Freundlich. “I mean, even the children from before the operation… one killed by a cop, one dead from a botched back alley abortion, climate change-induced heat stroke…the list just keeps going. Can you believe that we stumbled upon xer beneath the I-285 overpass?”
Asked whether Geralda’s religious beliefs could provide any insight to the American people regarding xer convictions and character, Freundlich exclaimed “of course xhe doesn’t believe in any god, that would be ridiculous, but xhe gets along very well with people of any faith that gives free stuff to the poor.” Added Freundlich, “which is pretty much all of them.”
When interviewed, Democratic voters largely welcomed the addition of Hernandez-Brown to the field.
Will Green of Toledo, OH, said “Hillary is a tool of the corporatists, and Sanders and O’Malley are old white males. Finally, somebody that understands the struggle and the importance of social programs. Somebody truly worth my vote!”
Qeesha D’Antelo of Fresno, CA responded “I had such high hopes for Obama, but now I realize that he’s half-white. And while he definitely doesn’t go out of his way to act like a man, he has never publicly denounced his whitemale privilege. Geralda is exactly the kind of hero I can believe in!”
Cautioned “Wolf” in Brooklyn, “sounds good, but where does xhe stand on fair trade coffee?”
See the rest of the post, and other brilliant exposés here.
Yes, and that racist image is his, too. Oh, wait. Did I tell you this is satire??
I’ll bet when he left Ukraine, Oleg didn’t ever dream he’d wake up every morning thinking, “Hmmm…whom shall I skewer today?” For sure it is his vocation.
Oleg told me once that while his other refugee friends went to ohh and awww at the amazing displays of food in American grocery stores, his shrine was elsewhere.
Instead he went to the art supplies places to gaze at the awe-inspiring racks, endless rows, of paint tubes in every hue imaginable. Not being a member of The Party, his oils in Ukraine were limited to the dark and the ugly.
I may have told y’all these anecdotes before, but that is the privilege of umm…maturity: one is permitted to repeat oneself ad infinitum, impatient relatives notwithstanding. Besides, these experiences moved me.
Oleg’s story reminded me of attending a van Gogh exhibition in Washington with the Baron many years ago. We waited in line for hours to view even some works he’d never managed to see even while in Europe. When we finally got to the head of the queue he oohed and awwed and peered closely at the thick slatherings of oils on Vincent’s canvasses. He told me it was van Gogh’s brother, Theo, who kept VvG supplied in materials.
The Baron’s own lack of a rich brother was a blessing in disguise since it was partly the expense of oil paints that led to the Baron’s evolution in style to a very thin wash of paint — it seemed sometimes as though he whispered the colors onto the canvas. His last works were a kind of Japanese style — i.e., each stroke was so translucent it didn’t allow for any mistakes. Of course we, his audience, couldn’t see the mistakes I’m sure he saw and never mentioned. Smart man.
Regular trips to The People’s Cube are worth your time. Soon, satire will be a foreign language, a genre assigned to the oubliette… or the guillotine?