Hillary Clinton’s Emails Found

Hillary Clinton with an email server

A complete backup copy of Hillary Clinton’s wiped private email server has reportedly been discovered. According to Global Breaking News:

A copy of the private email server that was operated by Hillary Clinton when she was Secretary of State has turned up at a thrift shop in New York City.

A backup server carrying the name “WhitewaterMail” was put up for sale along with various other used items in the “Seconds Remaining” thrift shop, which is next door to the Bill Hillary and Chelsea Clinton Foundation headquarters on the Avenue of the Americas in New York City.

The Clinton Foundation

An alert customer named Denbigh Trombauer noticed the name written on a piece of label tape on the back of the device and was intrigued by it. With the permission of the shop owner, he plugged in the machine, attached it to a monitor and keyboard, and booted it up. A quick look at the hard drive revealed that the computer was in fact a backup mail server from Hillary Clinton’s residence in Chappaqua.

Mr. Trombauer had been a volunteer for the Obama campaign during the 2012 election, so rather than call the press, he contacted the DNC. He was eventually put in touch with Mrs. Clinton’s longtime aide and personal companion, Humida Bean. It turned out Ms. Bean had inadvertently carried the server to the shop — at Mrs. Clinton’s request — in a box of miscellaneous material to be donated. The same box also included several pairs of Bill Clinton’s underwear, stuffed animals from Chelsea’s childhood, some old Rose Law Firm file folders, and various other tax-deductible items.

What happened next is not clear. According to a source close to the Clinton Foundation, Ms. Bean simply walked into Seconds Remaining and bought the server, along with a used Arabic-to-English dictionary and an inflatable doll for her husband. She reportedly paid a total of $14 for all three items.

In any case, the backup mail server is now in Humida Bean’s possession. When contacted by a member of Trey Gowdy’s staff on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, she declined to allow congressional investigators access to the server. “It’s mine now,” she told them, “and it’s being used for personal emails between me and my husband. Besides, my employer already went through all those old emails and gave you everything you might need to see. Hasn’t she suffered enough?”

Ambrose Gunweiller, the owner of Seconds Remaining, is calm in the face of all the sudden media attention. It’s not the first time his thrift shop has been the center of controversy: back in the 1990s he made headlines when he sold a tape that allegedly contained the missing 18-minute section that was thought to have been erased from one of Richard Nixon’s Watergate tapes. That sensational tape has never been publicly played.

Some years previously Mr. Gunweiller sold what he said was the mummified body of Jimmy Hoffa to a Chinese buyer for an undisclosed sum. However, an investigative reporter for The New York Post eventually published an in-depth article that exposed the Hoffa mummy as an elaborate hoax.

23 thoughts on “Hillary Clinton’s Emails Found

  1. Hillary at her old tricks again.

    Elusive Papers of Law Firm Are Found at White House

    On January 6, 1996, after nearly two years of searches and subpoenas, the White House said this evening that it had unexpectedly discovered copies of missing documents from Hillary Rodham Clinton’s law firm that describe her work for a failing savings and loan association in the 1980’s.


  2. You almost got me Baron:P It’s good to have healthy laugh now and then:)

  3. I loved this story, even though it raised an alarm about Sixth Avenue: there used to be flea markets in Chelsea, by the flower district, but no thrift shops—the best thrifts are located within walking distance of high-rent residential neighborhoods, and on the East Side up as high as Yorkville. I can’t think of any thrift shops on Sixth, especially near the office district in between the Library and Rock Center… Still, a witty story, and the last two paragraphs weren’t really necessary to clue in even the most clueless readers. (Humida Bean—that almost fell out of my chair. She would need an e-mail server for her “husband,” if you get my drift…)
    Actually, the Clinton Foundation, which moved into the big white prewar office building on 125th with so much ballyhoo in 2001, quietly moved into bigger quarters on Water Street in 2011, to the complete indifference of Harlem residents.

    Comments at the Foundation’s departure included: “When he was here what did he do for us? Nothing,” Susan Chaplain said as she stood on Lenox Ave., not far from Clinton’s offices. “He never did nothing while he was here. What difference does it make?”

    Another unnamed resident: “Him being in the community doesn’t affect us. All it did was raise the rent.

    “Drugs were still being sold. People were still being killed,” he said. “It won’t be no tears. No, thank you. Goodbye.” (Website covers Clinton departure surprisingly: The Daily News is a Democrat rag.)

    • Really? I thought that item was credible, given that Humida was buying it for Anthony “Don’t Film My Crotch” Weiner.

  4. you iced it with the inclusion of the English/Arabic translation program-dictionary. Nice April Fool’s gag, what is scary is the strong probability of that actually occurring. Only Clintonesque hubris or incompetence (or both) would not have wiped the hard drive prior to consigning it to a second-hand shop.

    • Most everything about the Wicked Witch is scary. Govt employees who serve as her personal security detail probably get hazardous duty pay.

    • Thanks. The Baron thinks up these April Fools’ capers but occasionally I come up with an idea worthy of inclusion.

      I think a great new version of the board game CLUE would http://www.cs.nmsu.edu/~kcrumpto/TAClasses/ClueRules.html have cards like…

      Bill in the pantry with the wench wrench.
      Hillary in the basement with the server.
      Chelsea in the parlor with the process server.
      The Secret Service in the guardhouse with the FBI personnel files.
      Vince Foster’s wraith in the walls of Hillary’s office with a gun.
      The people of Arkansas in the garden with pitchforks and shovels.
      I realize that these don’t quite fit. Only the server or the garden tools could be considered a lethal weapon. Ghostly guns don’t count. But maybe we could include the leaden weight of Bill’s seduction routine, or a blow to the head with one of those heavy boxes of personnel files.

      • Mrs. Black sent by O’Bama so that there will be no one to challenge his bid for a third term.

  5. Hey, it sounds plausible. You oughta see the great stuff I’ve found in thrift shops.

  6. You had me all the way, Baron. Still, there’s always next year 🙂 :):)

  7. I was fooled until the used Arabic-English dictionary gave me pause. Before my eyes got to the blow-up doll I thought of Bean: “That doesn’t make sense as she’d already have one.”

  8. Yes, you got me, Baron. But it’s not really funny. Shrillary Shrooooo is the MSM’s anointed next POTUS, and she is both a sleazebag down to her cankles and a proven incompetent as SecState. I weep for where my country is headed.

  9. This too, all April Fools’ headlines today:

    “‘Homeland’ to ‘Resettle’ Central Americans in USA…

    ‘Free’ Transportation…

    Communities have little say about amount of refugees they receive…

    Minnesota employers receive ‘introduction to Islam’ at jobs fair for Somalis…

    Dearborn Michigan deemed ‘Arab Capital’ of N America…

    BROOKINGS: ‘Diversity boom’ will ‘make USA very different country’…

    ‘We’re only just beginning to see start of it’…”

    Nah, fooled you. It’s all true, though no brain-damaged Marquis de Sade could have ivented such a self-disemboweling plot during his residency in an insane asylum…

  10. I’ve heard a rumor that the whole reason Hillary kept the server secret was because of her salacious correspondence with Anthony Bean, so don’t be surprised if Humida files, now that she knows the naked truth.
    It was all just revenge on Bill for Monica.

  11. I was fooled for about 2 seconds because the headline itself is totally unrealistic. I’m afraid I’m just no fun. At this point the whole server has almost certainly been rushed off for shredding in a large industrial material shredder somewhere.

    If anyone has all her emails then it’d be the Chinese or Russians, maybe the Israelis, North Koreans, and Iranians too. That thing was full of holes.

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