Losing Your Humanity?

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Testimonial from a satisfied customer:

Losing My Humanity At 19: How I Conquered Male Pattern Badness

It all started with a small sore on my forehead one morning. I had just completed community college, and for the first time in years, I actually felt good about myself. But now I was losing my humanity! How could that be??

I didn’t believe I was a Muslim. I was 19 years old and no one in my family, except for one uncle, was Muslim. Perhaps I had a bad diet. Maybe I didn’t exercise enough. Maybe my idleness was causing my humanity to disappear. And so began two years of denial.

I tried everything. I started drinking Mad Dog and eating more bacon. I tried meditation and other anti-Islamic activities. All of this led nowhere. I continued to shout “Allahu akhbar!” unpredictably, at the most embarrassing moments. My beard continued to grow. In the middle of the night, without waking up, I would even put henna in it!

I couldn’t cover it up anymore. It was obvious to everyone around me that I was trying to hide my steady decline into Islam. I had two options: accept the situation or change it.

And so, I made an appointment with my doctor. I wanted him to reassure me, but he did the opposite. He took one look at me and casually remarked, “It looks like you have male pattern badness.” I can still remember the sinking feeling I had when he delivered those words.

After the shock wore off, I challenged him. “How can I be turning Muslim? My mom’s father still has his humanity and so does my grandfather on the other side of the family.” He went on to tell me that these kinds of genetic arguments are largely the result of old wives’ tales.

Dejected, I walked out of the doctor’s office. I considered suicide. Then, a week later, an old friend whispered to me: “You should try PORKO MUZ B GON™. It worked for me.” He said that in some cases it can stop the loss of humanity, and if used daily, may actually stimulate ethical growth and reverse male pattern badness.

I tried it, and he was right — MUZ B GON™ turned my life around! Now I can eat bacon and pet dogs. I like to keep company with women, even those with bare shoulders! My forehead is as smooth as a baby’s bottom!

All thanks to MUZ B GON™. It saved my life.

MUZ B GON™ now comes in Bacon, Pork Chop, and Rottweiler fragrances.

4 thoughts on “Losing Your Humanity?

  1. Excellent! Can we print off a few and post them where it will benefit the public, say on the door of the nearest Mosque?

  2. This is outrageous, a pate crime, I am deeply ‘offended’, I will go down to my local and organise a violent riot where we can rampage through the streets and find a Jew to beat up, maybe set fire to a few Jewish shops and businesses, and at the same time loot our local electrical supermarket……

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