Regular readers of Gates of Vienna know we have a variety of translators who serve on call to interpret material for our foreign language posts and videos. Because of their generosity, we have access to valuable information that wouldn’t otherwise be available.

On occasion one of those volunteers, JLH, sends us humorous renditions on current events. Written for his own amusement, or perhaps to stave off the horrors that in all likelihood await us, these pieces are a welcome distraction from the realities of every day news.

This time JLH has bestowed upon us another of his rhyming ruminations on…well, if not “current events”, then perhaps an updated version of an old disaster looming just ahead in the murk.

For the source material to back up his lyrics, JLH chose an old song which is probably familiar to a number of our American readers — at least those who had childhoods which included summer camp and the requisite nighttime campfire singing.

To get with the program, first listen to this folk song version before trying to scan JLH’s own ditty, “Too Big to Fail”. With this tune in the background, his lyrics then assume a natural flow. As is often the case with humorous ‘takes’ on current events, it has a dark edge:

And now, “Too Big to Fail”…or perhaps a title more to the point, “A Series of Blunders Reaching Realms of Titanic Proportions in Which the USS Ship of State Partied On While the Captain Strutted & Ignored the Icebergs Looming in Murk”. Although the second one doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue, it does have the advantage of being more descriptive…

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
Husbands and wives,
Their incomes took a dive.
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

The year 2008, was when recession came,
But the way they dealt with this one, it wasn’t quite the same.
They thought that they would save the neediest they could see:
Acorn and General Motors, George Soros and GE.

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
The way to get through
May be QE One and Two.
Yes, it was sad when the USA went down.

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, Mr. Dodd and Mr. Frank,
Pinned their hopes of doing well on Bernanke Central Bank.
As the shrinking US dollar flowed as fast as fast could be,
The song around the Beltway was “Nearer My President to thee.”

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
Resounding through it all:
“You can’t fight City Hall!”
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

Now all those bitter clingers, clinging to their guns,
Will have to use a rolling pin to make home invaders run.
And if they keep a shotgun where no one else can see,
They may just get a visit from Homeland Security.

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
The freedom to speak
Is a thing we need to tweak.
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

For anyone who wonders, the Constitution is just dumb.
So for those who love Sharia, a better age has come.
A little honor killing, a little adolescent sex,
Are all just diverse core beliefs that the O.I.C. protects

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
Communists aren’t real,
Who’s making a big deal?
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

And for those who don’t love Islam, there’s another way to go,
Just following the path made by Fidel and Uncle Joe.
The DC inner circle knows how to take a cue:
If ever you’re in doubt, just ask, “Now what would Stalin do?”

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
Freedom of the press
Is now a great deal less.
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

Critiquing of the president’s a journalistic sport.
Unless of course this president is of a different sort.
You can’t critique an idol nor analyze a god.
Our Ivy journalistic profs would think it very odd.

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
The oceans don’t rise?
Is it cold? Quelle surprise!
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

Sly computer modeling and scholarly hi-jinks,
Can cause career advancement and bring us to the brink
Of universal tax on what is made or shipped or stored.
It really all depends upon whose ox is being Gored.

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
Struggle no more—
It’s nineteen-eighty-four!
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

Patriotic is OK for those who know no better.
But those who love the world must learn to love their fetters.
EU, UN and other unelected, elite groups
Predict our future sovereigns: mindless alphabet soups.

Oh it was sad, yes it was sad,
It was sad when the USA went down.
“What’s it to me?
Hey, you’re blocking the TV!”
Yes it was sad when the USA went down.

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Readers are welcome to supply their own additional verses in the comments section. Since the captain doesn’t listen — he doesn’t have to listen since He Won — and the mates are deaf to reason, we may as well draw up our deck chairs and sing along.