The Bank of Last Resort

I reported in last night’s news feed that the U.S. Army has been unable to find a bank in the Ft. Hood area willing to open an account for Major Nidal Hasan, the Killer Shrink of Fort Hood. The Army is required to deposit his monthly paycheck in a bank account, but for some reason the local banks are reluctant to accommodate Maj. Hasan.

Lawrence Person has come up with an elegant and practical solution to Maj. Hasan’s financial problems:

HELLO I AM MAJOR NIDAL HASAN

YOU MAY BE SURPRISED AT HEARING FROM ME, AS WE HAVE NOT SPOKEN BEFORE, BUT I AM UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU ARE A PERSON OF TRUSTHWORTHYNESS.

I AM RECEIVING MONTHLY PAYMENTS OF OVER $6,000 A MONTH FROM THE UNITED STATES (U.S.) ARMY, BUT NO BANK WILL CASH THEM FOR ME.

IF YOU WOULD OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT IN MY NAME, I WILL SPLIT THE PROCEEDS WITH YOU 50/50.

– – – – – – – –

PLEASE REPLY IN UTTER CONFIDENCE.

ALLAH AKBAR!

MAJ. NIDAL HASAN
CELLBLOCK 3F
BELL COUNTY JAIL
111 WEST CENTRAL AVENUE
BELTON, TX 76513-3078

Maj. Hasan may want to read the proceedings of the 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference to pick up some handy tips on conducting financial transactions in the traditional Nigerian fashion.

3 thoughts on “The Bank of Last Resort

  1. Reading the comments of Mr. Galligan, let me say it’s a pity he didn’t have an equally hard time finding a defense attorney.

    Oh, wait, I suppose he did…

  2. Here is a direct link to the article.

    While everybody is entitled to capable legal representation certain exceptions, think Orenthal James Simpson, spring to mind. It is small wonder that the rapacity demonstrated by lawyers has resulted in such an overall low opinion of their profession.

    Just when you thought that they could not possibly make things any worse for themselves, many within the legal profession have decided to embrace long-running political careers.

    The end result is as self-evident as it is infuriatingly repulsive.

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