A Fortified Stimulus Plan

This is the latest in a series of occasional essays by the Lurker from Tulsa. As usual, he applies common sense to complicated issues and comes up with a winning plan, one that makes you say, “why didn’t I think of that?”

No doubt if our Founding Fathers, all of whom kept spirits on hand for necessary occasions – e.g., when dealing with the English – would approve of Louie’s plan. Which is more than can be said for any of the “plans” on offer by Obama & Co.

Slainte mhath!

With the end of the congressional recess in sight, I would like to bring to your attention an issue that has yet to receive any play.

This matter has not been addressed by our congressional representatives or by the media (what else is new?). The Obamacare issue has sucked all the oxygen out of the room and no one is paying any attention to this vital concern.

Unfortunately, it has been overshadowed by the bogus and more well-known government giveaway, Cash for Clunkers, the haphazard government program which was put together to save the UAW and has already become just one more government-subsidized money pit.

Mad DogHowever, the program of which I speak has not, to the best of my knowledge, even been brought up at any of the various town hall meetings currently making headlines across the nation. What I am talking about is a privately funded (and therefore financially feasible) Stimulus Plan that will support many varied industries. The proposal which no one has discussed or has been made aware of is the BFB, The Bucks for Booze Program.

Oh, I know what you’ll say. You’ll claim that this is simply another pie-in-the-sky government plan which is attempting to make a play on the name of that more infamous Cash for Clunkers program. It is not. This generous program is reality-based.

The Bucks for Booze program differs from the Cash for Clunkers program because there is no deception involved. The legislation used to establish the notorious Cash for Clunkers program is formally titled “The Consumer Assistance to Recycle and Save Act”(CARS). I wonder what thumb-sucking government genius thought up that title, and how much taxpayer money goes into their salary. No doubt some soon-to-be-bankrupt former multi-national corporation will shortly have this entity for their CEO, as government continues to gobble up businesses in its ceaseless efforts to become more and more like Mussolini’s vision of what a country ought to look like.

The Bucks for Booze program is just what it says:
– – – – – – – –
You bring the bucks to your local liquor store, you get the booze. No forms to fill out. No applications or waiting period. If you can prove you’re at least twenty-one years old, sober (at least when you show up), and you got the bucks, then you get the booze. A simple operation that even a government worker could comprehend.

The Bucks for Booze program also differs from Cash for Clunkers in that it is entirely privately funded. This was neither thought up, nor will it be administered by, any government ***redacted*** flunky or Soros lackey.

This is an initiative that is already in place but languishing in mediocrity. It needs only a small push to get the ball rolling.

So get off that socialist treadmill and put this policy into effect for the good of us all.

In doing so, you will help not only your local liquor stores, but also –

  • the delivery people who deliver the booze,
  • the wholesalers who purchase the booze and warehouse it in your individual state,
  • the transportation industry that delivers the booze to your individual state,
  • the vintners who make the wine,
  • the distillers who make the whiskey,
  • and the brewers who make the beer.
  • This will also help the farmers of this great nation who produce the fruit and grain products that are used in these various products.

[not to mention the foresters who cut down the trees to make the cardboard for the cartons to hold the booze, and the paper required for the transactions recorded in triplicate, with copies going to some government entity or other. Plus the paper you must sign for your credit card. Those slips make their way to the bank employing clerks to send out your bill each month, and right on down to the checks you put in the envelopes to pay these bills – ed.]

So while the chardonnay crowd currently occupies the White House, let us ignore them as best we can and partake of the wide selection, variety, and abundance that is still available in the country formerly known as the United States of America.

There is no other single strategy or initiative that this ***redacted*** “scrambled eggs”-for-brains administration has come up with which could have the same robust effect on our morbid economy as the Bucks for Booze program. And it is right in front of the blind ***redacted*** ummm… “offspring of unwed persons”, even if they can’t see it.

That’s what socialism does to you: makes you blind and stupid. It’s far better to aspire to those two conditions through Booze for Bucks than through applying the methods of the current administration. More fun, too.

6 thoughts on “A Fortified Stimulus Plan

  1. Robert Marchenoir: That blue mixture seems really poisonous.

    The similarity to nuclear waste is no accident. Many people who ingest large quantities of this product frequently compare its after effects with exposure to sources of ionizing radiation.

    Affectionately known by cognoscenti as “Mad Dog” the “MD” actually stands for Mogen David and the numerical reference “20/20” can only be a hilarious sendup of how your eyesight will function after imbibing more than a teaspoon of this unmitigated synthetic plonk.

  2. Zenster, I’ll have you know it’s a great marinade for hot dogs. If you don’t like hot dogs (and I only like the kosher ones), then throw them out and drink the juice.

    Dymphna the Chef

  3. Cash for Clunkers: Obamacare Edition

    How much is your old family member worth? Turn them in to the nearest Planned Grandparenthood Center and find out! Receive cash prizes and free healthcare entitlements!

    As part of a new incentive tied to Obama’s upcoming healthcare reform, the network of Planned Grandparenthood Centers are to begin running ads, themed “Double Cash for Your Old Coot.” The push offers a cash incentive or zero-percent financing on top of free government plans for all families whose trade-in old-timers qualify for the government’s program known as “Cash for Clunkers,” up to a maximum of four grandparents over 70 years of age.

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