Light Posting

CorrespondenceI’ve been away all day, and now I’m trying to catch up with all these !$#@%!*%?#!! emails.

The fridge is stocked with Yuengling, and there’s a big bowl of cheese curls on the table. Y’all can sit down and chat with each other or otherwise amuse yourselves until normal service resumes.

[Post ends here]

17 thoughts on “Light Posting

  1. There was an Old Man of Whitehaven

    There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
    Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
    But they said, ‘It’s absurd. To encourage this bird!’
    So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven

    – Edward Lear

  2. There once was a man from Japan
    Whose limericks were quite hard to scan
    When he was asked why
    He would simply reply
    I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I can

    ― Eliott Kuhner ―

  3. There once was a lady named bright
    Who could travel at speeds faster than light
    She went out on day
    In a relative way
    And arrived the previous night

  4. An amazing bird is the pelican
    His beak holds more than his belly can
    He can hold in his beak
    Enough food for a week
    But I’m damned if I see how the hell he can

    ― Ogden Nash ―

  5. There was a young girl named Anheuser
    Who said that no man could surprise her
    But Old Overholt
    Gave her virtue a jolt,
    And now she is sadder Budweiser

  6. Another Lear:

    There was an Old Man of Berlin,
    Whose form was uncommonly thin;
    Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in cake,
    So they baked that Old Man of Berlin

  7. An old syllogistic logician
    Plied his craft with a great sense of mission.
    With the last Q.E.D.
    He said, “That’s all for me,”
    Hung a sign on his door, and went fishin’.

  8. This one is only for hardcore math freaks.

    A young man conducted flirtations
    Whilst deriving Laplace transformations.
    The girls took delight
    And engaged him all night
    In partially ordered relations.

  9. Baron, you are cruel. We don’t get Yuengling out here in Socialist California. I’d really love to stock my fridge with that. ;_;

  10. Baron Bodissey: Hung a sign on his door, and went fishin’.

    As the old saying goes:

    Give a man a fish
    and he eats for a day

    Teach a man to fish
    and he drinks for a lifetime

  11. Charlemagne —

    Yuengling is widely available here in Redneckia, and is the best beer for the price — less than $5 a sixpack at our local country store.

    I visited Pottsville a few years ago and was favorably impressed, especially given that the town is in Yankeeland.

  12. For your delectation, with apologies to Allan Sherman:

    Camp Jihada

    Hello mullah, hello muttawa
    Here I am at, Camp Jihada
    Camp is pious, I’m just saying
    And they say we’ll have some fun once we’re done praying

    I went hiking with Ali Balbeks
    And his backpack was full of Semtex
    You remember Hakeem Heyder
    He got lashes for not eating all his dinner

    All the Shiites hate the Sunnis
    And they both think, the Kurds are loonies
    The mullah wants no, Omar Khyams
    So he reads to us from something called the Koran

    Now I don’t want, this should scare ya
    But the imams are preaching terror
    You remember Jibril Wazi
    Now he wants to go and be a kamikaze

    Take me home, oh Madaar Pedar
    Take me home, I hate Jihada
    Don’t leave me out in, Sadr City
    Where I might get blown to pieces, itty bitty

    Take me home, I promise I will be holy
    Thinking pure thoughts, only them solely
    The imam forbids me to say
    I’ve been here one whole day

    Dearest Pedar, darling Madaar
    How’s my precious little baraadar?
    Let me come home, if you miss me
    I would even let Aunt Sophie hug and kiss me

    Wait a minute, they’ve stopped praying
    Try this vest on, the mullah’s saying
    Seventy virgins, gee that’s better
    Madaar Pedar, kindly disregard this letter.

  13. With apologies to George Wyle and Sherwood Schwartz

    (Sung to the tune of “The Ballad of Gilligan’s Isle”)

    Now sit right back, and you’ll hear a tale,
    a tale of a huge death cult.
    That started in the Middle East
    with a pedophilic dolt

    The prophet was a savage thug,
    his followers washed with sand
    They left a trail of blood and death
    across the Holy Land, across the Holy Land.

    The Christians started getting rough
    Jerusalem was lost
    Knights Templar took al Aqsa Mosque
    El Cid, the Moors he tossed

    A tent was pitched on the edge of an unconquered Bedouin pile
    With Mohammad
    His dozen wives
    A camel and a knife
    A moon and star
    A prayer rug and his Qu’ran
    That’s what makes Islam so vile

    So this is the tale of the Musselmen,
    they’ve warred for a long, long time.
    They’ve made the very worst of things,
    they’ve got an uphill climb.

    The imams and the mullahs too,
    will do their very best
    To make Infidels uncomfortable
    and war upon the West

    No phone, no lights no motor cars,
    They’ve not invented shit
    They wipe their butts with rocks instead
    Then beat their wives a bit

    For a caliphate, jihad they wage
    Like Nazis they sieg heil
    We’ll nuke them back to the stone-age,
    because Islam’s so vile.

    ― by Zenster ―

  14. Baron,
    My wish is simply for you to enjoy and I will share in a cold one to your respite, alas without any cheese curls but homemade chips, with very hot salsa and tiny chunks of Habenero peppers.

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