We are deeply wounded.
Having been accused lately of bashing the Brits, we wish to remind our readers that we believe in equal opportunity bashing of all sorts. No one should be excluded, least of all we gun-slinging, loudmouth, rich and ugly Americans. Nor should we fail to mention our unique admixture of ignorance, tactlessness and lack of sophistication or good manners.
If I’ve missed any of our vices, list them in the comments.
And in the interests of fair and balanced bashing, you will find below an old “jumbo joke” from the free part of Randy Cassingham’s site. I can only hope that everyone feels equally offended – not least the Spanish, Dutch and Scandanavians, since none of these worthies are even mentioned in the essay.
This is an old chestnut, one with which you may be already familiar. If so, enjoy it again for the sheer pleasure of its sterotypical and politically incorrect sketches. However, do notice that the America-bashing is within the normal limits of truth since everyone knows America is a greedy, obese imperialist steam-roller, just waiting to flatten everyone else and grab all the goodies ourselves. That’s why we’re always armed: never can tell when one might run across a tot with a lollypop…
Oh dear! we forgot the Chinese and the Russians. Ah well, there’s always another day and another diatribe.
As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The normal level is “General Arrogance”, and the only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability
It’s not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert:
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain, “Ineffective combat operations” and “Change sides”. The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdain” to “Dress in unform and sing marching songs”. They have two higher levels: “Invade a neighbour” and “Lose”.
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from “Isolationism” to “Find another oil-rich nation for regime change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “Attack random countries (ideally those without any credible military)” and “Beg the British for help”.
The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.
Now if the Scandanavians or the Dutch or the Spanish, Russians, and Poles would like to start in on one another, feel free. As the Kingston Trio put it, a generation or two ago:
The whole world is festering with unhappy souls;
The French hate the Germans,
The Germans hate the Poles,
Italians hate Yugoslavs,
South Africans hate the Dutch…
And I don’t like anybody very much.
Plus ça change, dude.
Hat tip: The Future Baron