Happy… uh… Holidays. Merry… um… Saturnalia. Have a joyous… er… Winter Solstice.
Let’s celebrate… Yule. That’s it: Yule!
Let’s cut down the sacred spruce and hang candles on its boughs, representing the stars pivoting around Yggdrasil, the axle-tree of the cosmos!
Let’s participate in the ritual slaughter of the Corn God, and thereby destroy the old year to make way for the new!
Join us at the Year’s Midnight as we cut the mistletoe from the oak with a golden sickle and then lower the Sperm of the Gods onto a silken sheet, recapitulating the death of Balder at the hands of Loki, and thus the birth of the new year!
Shout for joy as the Priestess of the Moon raises her silver blade!
But whatever you do, don’t mention the name of Jesus Christ…