Surprise Landside Vote for the Klan on the South Bank

Sorghum City, Alabama (AP) — The stunning electoral victory by the Ku Klux Klan in this small southern town has taken veteran political observers by surprise. The political wing of the KKK won a total of 12 out of 16 seats on the city council, plus the offices of mayor and district attorney. Jimmy Carter, a former governor of the neighboring state of Georgia, headed a team of election observers who certified the election as “free and fair, within the limits to be expected in a strife-torn region like Alabama.”

Many locals are concerned about the future of the peace process between the white residents and the town’s Negroes, which the KKK refers to as an “occupation force.” Under the more moderate outgoing administration of the Democratic Party, negotiations with the black community had been pursued, even as the Democrats continued to assert their rights in the struggle against the “brutal Negro.”

A happy KKKidBilly Bugline, a member of the more militant “military wing” of the KKK, celebrated the election victory with his family last night. As his cousins fired guns in the air, he held up his youngest son Leroy, who was clad in the traditional white head garb of the Klan and waved its “holy book”.

“We will never give up the struggle against the infernal Negro,” said Mr. Bugline. “As long as the sacred soil of Sorghum City remains occupied, we will struggle against the enemy with any available weapons. Guns and bombs, tar and feathers — all of these, and more, are available to us.”

Questioning the history of blacks in Alabama, Mr. Bugline said, “There’s no real historical evidence that ‘Slavery’ ever happened. It’s just a story cooked by the sinister African Cabal.” He cited a book called The Protocols of the Elders of Kilimanjaro as evidence of his contention. The book, however, has long been discredited, and is widely considered a forgery created in the 1950s by the South African Secret Police.

Other residents are less extreme in their views than Mr. Bugline.

“I voted for the Klan because it means a change,” said Mrs. Flossie Needlefoos as she stood in front of the feed store with other local residents. “We’re all tired of the corrupt ‘business-as-usual’ attitude at City Hall. It don’t mean I want to kill all the Negroes. I just want them to return to their proper place.” Heads around her nodded in agreement.

Political analysts speculate that the KKK, now that it has gained real political power, will become more pragmatic in its outlook and withdraw its long-standing call for the extermination of all black people. That would lay the groundwork for a return to the negotiating table and a resumption of the long-stalled peace process.

Only time will tell.

11 thoughts on “Surprise Landside Vote for the Klan on the South Bank

  1. Just another liberation movement I suppose. Attempting to rise up from under the occupying force. Somehow this all sounds very familiar as if I’ve heard it somewhere before? Talk about deja vu!

  2. You’ve outdone yourself. The Onion is relegated to second place.

    Bringing up Carter was a nice touch.

    This one will be a classic for a long time.

  3. Those damn negroes put up fences around their homes. Now I can’t get to the trees I was growing in their… I mean my garden! Waaa! Waaa!

    Ok, I tried, but I can’t compete. A masterful satire. I know it’s a cliché, but it’s funny because it’s true. Which is tragic, in a way…

  4. Perfect…almost.

    You left out the reports of arms and explosives being smuggled across the Georgia border by the KKK’s military wing.

    Great writing.

    Papa Ray
    West Texas

  5. The left won’t get it.

    They’ll just try to pin the KKK to the conservative side, even though the KKK is a democratic institution.

    Nice satire exposing the hypocrisy of the politically correct…

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