One has to feel some sympathy for satirists these days. Many of the “real” news stories belong to some surreal post-parody genre. Reading one of these articles slackens the jaw; reading very many probably does more brain damage than grain alcohol. The only cure for reading these bizarre stories is laughing all the way down the page. Or moving on the comics section — which is actually where they belong.
To give you a feel for post-parody, consider the mock trial coming up in February, which will probably generate enough heat to keep the immediate environs toasty:
|The Arab Lawyers Union, a Cairo-based organization which includes twenty-four national bar associations of Arab countries, has decided to hold a moot court hearing against “war criminals who harmed Arabs and Muslims,” the Arab media reported Tuesday.|
Common sense makes one want to ask who is being mooted first. Saddam Hussein? Hamas? The ISI in Pakistan? The security forces in Egypt? Mubarak? How about digging up Arafat and starting with that bag of bones? He could be joined by the patron saint of beheaders, al-Zarqawi.
Probably not. This is the Middle East, after all — the place where Alice went to live after her experiences in the Looking Glass. This is fantasy-land, Michael Jackson’s refuge from the storm, this is Dhimmitude Central where the only good Jew is a dead one…except even death doesn’t make him acceptable.
Nope, it’s ol’ George and Tony and Ariel up on charges. The Evil Ones have been chosen by these 400,000 Arab lawyers to go to the top of the Devil class::
|…the Union drafted a list of “war criminals” topped by Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, U.S. President George W. Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair.|
|In the “indictment,” Prime Minister Sharon is accused of crimes against the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip and West Bank, while Blair and Bush are held accountable for “war crimes” in Afghanistan and Iraq.|
Does this sound familiar? Are we not once again in the Senate basement with the Democrats holding their mock impeachment of Bush a few months ago? Amazing parallel in the mind sets of these two groups, isn’t there?
But it gets even better. It gets to “you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up” levels:
|The mock trial will be held at the Union’s headquarters in Cairo in February with organizers expecting to lure personalities like Nelson Mandela, former Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Muhammad, and former Algerian president Ahmed Ben Bella to act as judges.|
This news report seems to have the correct verb spotted here: these “personalities” will indeed be “lured.” Let’s not ask what the bait is beyond vainglory and a large dose of envy.
But that’s not all. The most useful
kafirs idiots are waiting to be invited: London Mayor Ken Livingstone, British MP George Galloway, and … ta da… the non-kafir, the Mufti of Jerusalem, Sheikh Ekrama Sabri, are expected to be called for jury duty.
The criminals in question will have their indictments delivered to their respective embassies in Cairo. No doubt they will be trembling behind the curtains. Meanwhile, that renowned and respected global barrister, Ramsey Clarke, will be their chief prosecutor.
Well, maybe Saddam Hussein will have his own special mass grave dug in time so that by February ol’ Ramsey can move on to Cairo to get things hotted up for Saint Valentine’s Day.
I can’t wait to see whatever version of this story The New York Times
cooks up writes. With their staff of intrepid reporters, never fear. You know it will be the kind of first-rate journalism we’ve come to expect from those pages, the ones decorated by Maureen Dowd and Paul “Never-Once-Right” Krugman, and Jayson Blair. Oops. Never mind.
Write it in your calendar now: Cairo. February.
Hat tip:Muscular Liberals