23 thoughts on ““A Child Does Not Belong in a Marriage””

1. I was once in a marriage where my husband made such threats. Back before there were women’s shelters (thank you, Britain, for that wonderful idea). None of the social workers knew how to extract me safely. The police told me to stop bothering my husband and he wouldn’t be like that. (Project much, officers?)

   America has changed some – we have shelters now and better laws – but such treatment of women still goes on here, especially as drug use and alcoholism increase. I used to think it was purely economic until I counseled women who were quite well off in their own right but were too tied by family expectations and the fear of public scandal to effectively move against/out of the situation…

   …Lots of sad memories of women (and men) who died in those lethal relationships. In the town where I lived after my now ex-husband abandoned our family, I took the on-call duty for emergencies at the women’s shelter one Christmas holiday. The worst case on that particular day was a woman with various injuries, the most prominent being her blackened and swollen eyes and nose. She obviously couldn’t go out in public, given that her husband was the town’s most prominent psychologist and was well-known for his marriage “therapy” groups. These groups gave him a good living.

   Later, I was told the police were involved and became concerned for her safety. Turned out that the ‘authorities’ were looking for an unknown assailant and that she was “fortunate to escape sexual assault”. They said it was a robbery…and indeed it was, though not the kind they thought.

   I often wondered if the police involved knew the truth but were obliged to go along with her cover story. The next time I saw her, I cautioned that such a tale is only credible the first time.

   • Dymptha, I really don’t have much reference sources for such physical or mental spousal abuse, and it is mostly the wife or as our laws now cover, the ‘partner’, that cops most of it.

     I have an article on islammonitor.org that goes to the heart of ‘domestic violence’ titled, the Circle of Domestic Violence, that graphically encapsulates the steps that lead to domestic abuse, and believe me, after having attending hundreds of such incidents over my policing experience, I do consider myself somewhat of an expert on such matters, especially as compared to the ‘university trained’ government funded and made to adhere to bureaucratic methods and ways of dealing with such a social aspect of humanity, that may have good intentions, but are let down by their lack of understanding and experience and TEETH when it comes to REAL social issues that are deliberately placed on the back burner in favor of diversity and airy fairy feelings which have no place in REAL life.

     I can remember a time when it became necessary to protect my mother from my father’s physical abuse that occurred in a spontaneous moment when I and my younger brothers were in our early teens and our father arrived home in an intoxicated state. It is something that I wish on no child because when such an experience happens it becomes a very hard load to bear when a child sees their mother being physically attacked by their father.

     Such a thing tends to make one question their own position in life and I have no words, even now, that would adequately describe such a scene it it is so emotionally packed.

     But, those days, even though they are long past, at least gave what I believe far more protection to the victim of domestic violence than what is now ‘enforced’ with a judge’s piece of paper that states the victim is to be left alone.

     How much is that piece of paper really worth to the victim when a determined ‘partner’ is out to do them harm?

     When I and my two brothers experienced such a life altering experience, it was the police who arrived on our doorstep and who threatened my father that if they were called again that night he would be going with them back to the police station for a bit of ‘slap and tickle’, as was the saying in those times, and I believe is was that memory that eventually stopped my father’s aggression toward our mother and I can still recall him at the time, sobering up very quickly to that realization.

     But, there is another aspect to domestic violence that rarely gets much attention today, and that is this, when the victim of the domestic violence refuses point blank to testify in court about her/his ‘partner’s’ violence toward them. In effect, and what that means is that any police attendance at such incidents that result in charges being laid against the aggressor in such occurrence becomes null and void at court. And as is so often the case, the lack of proceeding against the ‘abuser’ will result in further incidences of violence against them being committed.

     • I’m sorry to hear of your experience, Nemesis. My parents married in 1942 (and were then separated for three years while Dad was with the RAF in Burma), but brought up four children as well as they could, and loved and respected each other until they died in 1999. I used to think this was the norm- as it should be- but as you and Dymphna relate, it isn’t always.

       • My friends were like you, Mark, and I hung around the edges of whole families like yours, wanting to internalize (by osmosis, perhaps) the experiences that flowed among you.

         Sometimes I’d get invited to supper, but I seldom went since I knew my mother was depending on me to get dinner on the table before she came home from work (we later learned she had anemia & shouldn’t have even been able to function enough to work).

         The Baron had a nice boring family life like yours. He said one time, “I refuse to apologize anymore for my normal childhood!”

     • I knew a judge who used to give jail time to women who didn’t show up. That made it easier for her perp to find her when she got out.

       I remember one guy who beat up his wife to felony levels and got six months for his crime (Juvenile and Domestic Court is/was more “elastic” that way). He was gob-smacked at the sentence – thanked the judge.

   • @ Dymphna
     I was in the same situation like you, I married an Army officer, he could not control his temper, and destroyed the family. His son gave his name up and want nothing to do with him. I got a divorce and I took him for everything he had. He was thinking I’m a stupid German, he learned his lesson.

     • Being a good Catholic girl, and one who had grown up without a father, I was determined to keep our family together and to somehow help my husband heal. His family was a great source of help in this and to some extent their presence allowed him to maintain better boundaries.

       But what I didn’t realize until many years later was that he had a bipolar disorder; the first “episode” came later than it does for most. Back then, what did anyone know about sudden personality changes being the manifestation of an underlying brain disorder?

       I didn’t want to “take him for everything he had”; it was never a war in which he’d “learn his lesson”. That would have left me with an even worse residue of anger than my failure had already caused. I wanted my fomer husband to return to his pre-bipolar self and that wasn’t gonna happen. Ever.

       His behavior and my avoidance were major obstacles to my children’s growth into a stable maturity. But I had married him, no one held a gun to my head, and slowly I have taken up my share of the responsibility for the problem; for too long I was hung up on assigning blame instead of taking responsibility. The Baron was a big help in keeping me real and in helping, to the extent he could, my kids’ pain.

       It is truly sad that your son has chosen to reject his father in an attempt to maintain a sense of self. That kind of absolute cut-off damages the person who does it – in this case, your son – much more than it hurts your former husband, who lives in his own hell. When we cut off from our parents (sexual abuse or severe sadism being the only exceptions), it is we who end up deformed emotionally.

       There was a German psychologist, Walter Toman, whose work did much to explain how families construct their own stories and pass them on to the next generation. An American psychiatrist, Murray Bowen, used Toman’s ideas to create a form of Family Systems to help adults erect and maintain calm boundaries of Self whilst still being in contact with their parents and siblings. As Bowen said, we seldom move much beyond the level of maturity (i.e., good boundaries) we’ve set in place by the time we leave our family of origin. Here’s a rather limited wiki on his pioneer work:

       https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murray_Bowen

       His research focused on human interactions rather than symptomatic cubicles. Bowen even focused on the prodromal states that precede medical diagnoses. For Bowen each concept was extended, and woven into physical, emotional, and social illness. Bowen criticized psychiatry’s penchant to diagnose and treat mental illness, as limited and a dead end. This new work went beyond other family systems theories, and contrasted sharply with Freudian theory.

       There is no doubt a great deal of literature in German, originating with Toman and going on to later developments. As they’re in German, they’re unavailable to me but you might their ideas helpful in aiding your son to come to terms with his father’s limitations. The more we can learn to forgive, the stronger our families become. Individually and collectively, Germans know that better than most.

       • Thanks for this information Dymphna. I will look it up, I never heard of Walter Toman.
         Thanks for your time to respond!!

2. One thing’s for sure. There’ll be no women’s rights marches in their thousands against this practice. They’ll argue it’s the girls’ choice, as it supposedly is for females who wear the hijab, niqab and burka. Meanwhile, this cultural ‘tradition’ will be allowed to continue because it would be racist to clamp down on it and these children, pregnant at 12/13/14/15, will have many years of child-bearing ahead of them. And, with the next enlarged generation, the ‘tradition’ of child marriages will keep on increasing exponentially until it’s considered ‘normal’.

3. A nation is simply no longer a nation when it refuses to enforce its own laws–especially those designed to protect the young.
   As regards the issue of “immigrant” child marriage (INVARIBLY GIRLS and likely with children, to boot)–if laws have any meaning, these marriages simply no longer exist as a MATTER OF LAW. If (and it’s a BIG ‘if’) those in these ‘marriages’ are to be allowed to remain in Germany–no contact between husband (rapist) and wife (victim) AND CHILD is to be permitted until the so-called ‘wife’ AND CHILD attain legal majority.
   If they wanna get hitched AFTERWARDS, well–so be it.

   Iffen I were in charge, I’d take in the girls and their kids as a matter of simple humanity. The rapist/’husband’/muzzie trash could simply take a hike.
   Far, far away.

   AND yes, I no longer consider Germany a “nation” in the traditional legal sense. Not anymore. I really don’t know what to call it either. This goes for the rest of that stupid “EU” monstrosity as well.

   • “A nation is simply no longer a nation when it refuses to enforce its own laws–especially those designed to protect the young.”

     Yes. It is surrender.

     I think it is only a matter of time now. The will to resist is gone. Nearly gone. And the demographics are such that soon the capacity to resist will be gone.

     Think of it. A German child born twenty years from now will be born into darkness. Twenty years! The mind can’t comprehend it. It’s like trying to comprehend your own death. But at least your own death is natural.

4. Thank you for this informative German video. At least some German men there are trying to change the laws. But if they come in to Germany already with the underaged wife– why are they not told they may not enter point blank. Or does Germany think they are going to “divorce” them legally/civilally? Come on. Everyone knows they will still consider themselves married accord to the rites of their cult. Poor girls but how can we solve all the world’s problems?

   • how can we solve all the world’s problems?

     Ah, but progressives do indeed think** we can and should solve ’em all, right down to the last photo-shopped dead child.

     =================================================
     **Oops. This programmatic kind of “thinking” which entrances Progressives’ brains is not “thinking” as you or I would term such cogitations. Progressives feel and they feel so deeply they’re sure it’s a form of rational thought. Instead of differentiating between two very different issues – i.e.,(1) problems with solutions, versus (2) “mysteries” of human suffering which can’t be resolved, Progressives truly feel there is some solution, somewhere that will turn everything into gold. Perhap this kind of non-thinking, super-feeling virulence could more accurately be termed “finking”, a combination of thinking and feeling mushed into a ball of hot wax. You can imagine how this effort taxes the brain. It’s no wonder they have a tendency toward frequent meltdowns as they demand self-effort the brain was never intended to perform. The Middle Ages had alchemists; we have Progressive Morons.

     “Finking” is just one of the many follies of socialism. Another one is the cult belief that existence bestows upon one the right to be taken care of from cradle to grave by…it used to be by whatever polity into which one was born but inevitably Follies metastasize so this idea has expanded to include whatever place one can successfully invade and set up being. Just being. The underlying error is their belief that everyone is owed something by others who have more than they do. Such a belief inculcates resentment and envy among those who find themselves in want and a concomitant angry guilt in those upon whom these impingements are forced.

     Being in want used to be the signal that an individual needed to find some resolution for his problem and that it was his responsibility to do so. Back then there really was a lived concept of “the deserving poor” – e.g., the disabled.
     Now, finking it through, The Morons are sure all poor people are “deserving” when in fact a good many of them deserve prison or hospital.

     The Marching Morons of the West, i.e., socialists, continue to believe suffering is a “problem to be solved” whether or not the culture in question EVER views their own behavior as problematic. The Morons fall all over themselves to both protect and advocate for the primitive thinking/behavior of regressive tribal cultures who’ve descended on them like locusts.

     Not that they want to share living space with the Unwashed. But their own Moronic dogmas have decreed ahead of time that *THE* one Unforgivable Sin among themselves is (Western) Racism, no matter how vicious the crimes of the alien culture they are determined to “help” via an immaculate generosity which demands nothing in return. Idiots.

     Meanwhile, the invading primitive tribal cultures have absolutely no reason to surrender their own standards of public honor and esteem, even as these cultural ideals lay great burdens on men, making them reactive and hypervigilant. In a version of “kick the cat”, women have to bear the brunt of their men’s underlying sense of abject failure. What’s the sign of failure? They’re not at home. So they’re forced to re-create their original hellhole wherever they happen to land.

     For the invaders The Morons are a temporary source of material help until they can gain the levers of power and distribute among themselves (in descending order) what they see as material goods hoarded by the Morons (and what the Morons have been raised to see as the seed corn). The Invaders can only do what they know.

     So, you’re correct: they *are* poor girls and their travails are a real problem for them. We could sympathize just as well if they were still in their own countries, suffering there. In fact, our “aid” might be better employed if they were still in place at home. In the end, if the Morons persist in trying to solve the world’s problems, if they keep on finking their immaculate generosity cures anything and forcing their choices on the rest of us, we’ll all go down with them…

     …How we can effectively fight such folly is another question entirely.

5. This once again goes to show that literally almost ALL people from the Middle East are incompatible to live in Europe under Western rules, even Christian Yezidis. I do agree we should give them a shot in a western country to make a new life as they are persecuted, but they should be made to live according to western law. There just is no way around it.

   • Actually, Yezidis aren’t Christians — their religion seems to be a variant of Zoroastrianism, with syncretic elements of various other religions. If I recall correctly, it predates Islam.

     • I guess you’re right, I forgot all about that, and Yezidis all too often are being hailed as the victims and the real persecuted ones, but the point is… if they come from the middle east… they have no idea nor do they have any interest for girl’s rights and human rights, and they should be forced to either obey our laws, or go home.

       • To illustrate your point: there are somewhere between 35,000 or 100,000,000 Yezidi living in Germany. The first being the official German number, the later their own estimates.
         With Germany having a population of 82 million, it makes them 0.04% resp. 0.12% of the population.
         Yet, they make 9.5% of the women who turn to advice centers for being forced into marriages:
         https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesiden#Heiratsvorschriften

         • correction: that should have been “between 35,000 and 100,000” of course!

6. The left never met a sexual taboo that they didn’t want to rip to shreds.

   Child sex is next on their dance card.

   • They could argue that it would lead to greater integration were they to adopt the cultural practices of their new pets. Of course, they could simply convert to Islam and scream Islamophobia (a very useful word) every time someone objected to them raping their child bride.

7. Teenage girls getting married and women getting beaten are two different issues. Lots of teenage girls should be married (crazy to make them go to school like kids when they obviously want to be moms); no women should be beaten. A woman’s father and male relatives should ensure that her husband doesn’t beat her, and if they can’t then Nemesis offers us the next best solution — the cops INFORMALLY ensure it. Don’t let the State be the protector of women. If a woman needs protection from her husband, other men should protect her. (No, kickboxing classes won’t help her, and in any case it’s part of the natural function of men to protect women … from other men. It’s cruel to deny men this natural function, which is why it’s cruel to men to make the State the protector of men and also cruel to men to staff police-departments and the military with women. Even if women could do the job adequately, it’s demeaning to men to have women doing it. Ug, I’m rambling. Well, everything links together somehow …)

   • (Clarification of “obviously want to be moms” — I’m referring to hyper-sexual self-presentation (even in Middle Schools) and pairing-off with tough mature-looking boyfriends (Brooklyn observations); it just seems to me that it would best to marry these girls to their tough mature-looking boyfriends.)

8. Dymphna, how about a post from you (since you’re smart and other things) on how the West can be post-feminist in a fighting-spirit-productive way but also nice and fun for women at the same time?

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